PTSD & Divorce

Published on Apr 07, 2019

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PRESENTATION OUTLINE

PTSD & Divorce

Post Traumatic Divorce Syndrome
Photo by Truthout.org

Kira Gould, Divorce Coach

Founder of Getting Unmarried™

POST TRAUMATIC STESS DISORDER (PTSD):
A disorder that develops in some people who have seen or lived through a shocking, scary, or dangerous event.

Post-traumatic stress disorder is a normal emotional and psychological reaction to trauma (a painful or shocking experience) that exists outside of someone’s normal life experiences.

For many years, clinicians have observed fairly predictable reactions to life-threatening events -- normal responses to abnormal occurrences -- and recognized a syndrome called post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

High-conflict divorces are seen as so stressful that they have been reclassified as one of the causes of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a condition usually associated with accident victims or soldiers in war zones.
Photo by Ian Espinosa

Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders

  • Exposure to a life-threatening event
  • Experience of intense fear, helplessness, or horror
  • Re experiencing the event
  • Avoidance of reminders of the event
  • Emotional numbing
  • Heightened anxiety
  • Irritability and rage

PTDS:
A divorce is often such an experience, and a high conflict divorce is definitely traumatic, and can lead to lasting side effects, or what I call: Post Traumatic Divorce Syndrome

Many people who are going through a high conflict divorce are at risk for experiencing PTDS/PTSD.

Photo by Asdrubal luna

Common Reactions

  • Shock
  • Anger
  • Nervousness
  • Fear
  • Guilt
People who experience a traumatic divorce may react with shock, anger, nervousness, fear, or even guilt.

For most of us, these common reactions will go away over time, but for someone experiencing a particularly challenging divorce, these feelings may continue to escalate until they have difficulty living a normal life.

PTDS Topics

  • About trauma and its effects
  • How to recognize PTSD/PTDS symptoms
  • Healing Methods & Treatments
  • Self Help through sleep, diet, and exercise habits
We will cover the following topics in our workshop:

Fear triggers many split-second changes in the body to help defend against danger or to avoid it.

It is natural to feel afraid during and after a traumatic situation.

Fear triggers many split-second changes in the body to help defend against danger or to avoid it.

This “fight-or-flight” response is a healthy reaction meant to protect a person from harm.

Nearly everyone will experience a range of reactions after trauma, yet most people recover from initial symptoms naturally.

Those who continue to experience problems may be diagnosed with PTSD.
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People who have PTSD may feel stressed or frightened even when they are not in danger.

PTSD happens when your mind cannot process the extent of the trauma.

It’s like a short circuit in your nervous system, where you have trouble distinguishing between real and perceived threats.
Photo by Ben White

We tend to think of PTSD as occurring only in life-threatening situations, but it occurs anytime there is an acute or prolonged trauma.

Not all divorces lead to PTSD, but if it is sudden or abusive, the trauma can be severe and sudden enough to lead to PTSD-like symptoms.
Photo by Luz Fuertes

Signs & Symptoms

Symptoms must last more than a month to be considered PTSD
Not every traumatized person develops ongoing (chronic) or even short-term (acute) PTSD.

Symptoms usually begin early, within 3 months of the traumatic incident, but sometimes they begin years afterward.

The course of the illness varies.

Some people recover within 6 months, while others have symptoms that last much longer. In some people, the condition becomes chronic.
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A doctor who has experience helping people with mental illnesses, such as a psychiatrist or psychologist, can diagnose PTSD.

This workshop won't be able to diagnose you...the purpose of this workshop is to give you a general understanding of PTSD, and how it may show up in divorce. For your specific situation, please seek out the assistance of a trained professional.
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Types of Symptoms

  • Re-experiencing
  • Avoidance
  • Arousal
  • Reactivity
  • Cognition
  • Mood



PTSD "Diagnosis"

  • At least one re-experiencing symptom
  • At least one avoidance symptom
  • At least two arousal & reactivity symptoms
  • At least two cognition & mood symptoms
To be diagnosed with PTSD, a professional will look to see if you are exhibiting all of the following for at least 1 month:

Re-Experiencing

  • Flashbacks
  • Bad dreams
  • Frightening thoughts
Flashbacks mean reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating.

Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in your everyday routine.

The symptoms can start from your own thoughts and feelings.

Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing symptoms.
Photo by PeterThoeny

Avoidance

  • Avoiding reminders of the traumatic experience
  • Feeling emotionally numb
  • "Stuffing" feelings, such as guilt, depression, or worry
  • Change in personal routine
  • Won't talk about certain topics
Things that remind you of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms.

Traumatized individuals cope by trying to forget the terrible things that have happened to them by avoiding thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma.

Trauma victims constantly run away from anything that triggers memories of their experience.

These symptoms may cause you to change your personal routine.

For example, those who have been involved in automobile accidents may experience intense fear when they are in a car and imagine another crash occurring at any moment.

Driving becomes a dangerous activity for them, and they feel out of control behind the wheel of a car.

Victims of infidelity also live in fear of another infidelity; they need constant reassurance and feel helpless to prevent it.
Photo by tropical.pete

Trauma victims become so overwhelmed by feelings of anxiety, rage, and helplessness that they try to cope by withdrawing into an emotional “cocoon.” Detaching to survive the emotional storm.

The problem with this strategy is that if you suppress your uncomfortable feelings, you also cut yourself off from all of the positive emotions -- such as joy, happiness, ecstasy -- that make life meaningful and worth living.

Self "Medicating"

Be careful of using alcohol & drugs
Survivors of trauma often cope by shutting down their feelings and drinking alcohol or self-medicating.

For example, many combat veterans use alcohol and drugs to forget and numb their feelings.
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Arousal & Reactivity

  • Being easily startled
  • Feeling tense or “on edge”
  • Having difficulty sleeping
  • Having angry outbursts
Arousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind you of the traumatic events.

These symptoms can make you feel stressed and angry. They may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.
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Trauma victims live on high alert for recurrence of the trauma.

They become restless and distracted; it is as if their “motors are always running” because they need to be ready for a quick escape.

Nights can be particularly stressful.

Worry and preoccupation with the trauma keep you awake, and when you do sleep, nightmares disturb your rest.
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Cognition & Mood

  • Trouble remembering features of the traumatic event
  • Negative thoughts about yourself or the world
  • Distorted feelings like guilt or blame
  • Loss of interest in enjoyable activities
Cognition and mood symptoms can begin or worsen after the traumatic event, but are not due to injury or substance use. These symptoms can make you feel alienated or detached from friends or family members.

It is natural to have some of these symptoms after a dangerous event.

Sometimes people have very serious symptoms that go away after a few weeks. This is called acute stress disorder, or ASD.

If your symptoms last more than a few weeks and become an ongoing problem, you may have developed PTSD.

Individuals who have been traumatized become preoccupied with how they have been victimized, which causes them to become angry with the perpetrator, with life, and with themselves.

Why do some people develop PTSD and other people do not?

It is important to remember that not everyone who lives through a dangerous event gets PTSD. In fact, most people will not get the disorder.

Many factors play a part in whether a person will develop PTSD.

Risk Factors and Resilience Factors for PTSD

Photo by monojussi

Risk Factors

  • Living through danger and traumas
  • Getting hurt
  • Seeing another person hurt
  • Childhood trauma
  • Feeling helplessness or extreme fear
  • Having little or no social support
  • Dealing with extra stress after the event
  • Having a history of mental illness
If you experience or have experienced any of the items on this list, you may be more at risk for developing PTSD.

Resilience Factors

  • Seeking out support from other people, such as friends and family
  • Finding a support group after a traumatic event
  • Learning to feel good about one’s own actions
  • Having a positive coping strategy
  • Being able to act and respond effectively despite feeling fear
If you take any/some of the steps on the resilient list, you may be helping to protect yourself from developing PTSD.

Researchers are studying the importance of these and other risk and resilience factors, including genetics and neurobiology.

With more research, someday it may be possible to predict who is likely to get PTSD and who is likely to prevent it.

Resilience

Certain factors increase resilience after trauma
Human resilience dictates that a large number of survivors will naturally recover over time.

They will move on without having severe, long-lasting mental health issues.
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Process & Recovery

Healing from PTSD differs for each survivor
The goal for PTSD treatment is to reduce the physical and emotional symptoms as well as improve your ability to interact fully with your everyday life.
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“First and foremost is some kind of personal conversation, talking or psychotherapeutic relationship.”
- Dr. Arthur S. Blank Jr., a Vietnam veteran and a renowned expert on PTSD

“People need to be able to talk about whatever they have to talk about to someone who is an experienced listener.”

It is important for anyone with PTSD to be treated by a mental health provider who is experienced with PTSD.
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Psychotherapy

“Talk Therapy”
Psychotherapy involves talking with a mental health professional to treat a mental illness.

Psychotherapy can occur one-on-one or in a group.

Therapy can help uncover buried hurts, self-defeating coping strategies, and unhealthy patterns.

Talk therapy treatment for PTSD usually lasts 6 to 12 weeks, but it can last longer.

Research shows that support from family and friends can be an important part of therapy.
Photo by Alan Cleaver

Effective psychotherapies tend to emphasize a few key components, including education about symptoms, teaching skills to help identify the triggers of symptoms, and skills to manage the symptoms.

The risk of suffering through PTSD and not doing anything about it is that you will lead an isolated life, feeling numb/or and afraid.

Life coping skills taught by trained professionals can help you improve your life.

Medications

Antidepressants & other medications may be prescribed
Because some people are so overwhelmed by depression, anxiety, grief, they may need medication.

Keep in mind, that medication is not a magic pill that solves everything. It can however provide enough calm to allow you to think clearly -- enough to work through your problems.

The most studied medications for treating PTSD include antidepressants, which may help control PTSD symptoms such as sadness, worry, anger, and feeling numb inside.

Antidepressants and other medications may be prescribed along with psychotherapy.

http://www.fda.gov/

U.S. Food and Drug Administration Website 
Doctors and patients can work together to find the best medication or medication combination, as well as the right dose.

Check the U.S. Food and Drug Administration website (http://www.fda.gov/ ) for the latest information on patient medication guides, warnings, or newly approved medications.
Photo by Carbon Arc

Everyone is different, and PTSD affects people differently so a treatment that works for one person may not work for another.

If someone with PTSD is going through an ongoing trauma, such as being in an abusive relationship, both of the problems need to be addressed.

Other ongoing problems can include panic disorder, depression, substance abuse, and feeling suicidal.

Beyond Treatments

How can I help myself?
It may be very hard to take that first step to help yourself. It is important to realize that although it may take some time, with treatment, you can get better.

If you are unsure where to go for help, ask your family doctor, or therapist.
Photo by Paul Gilmore

Steps to Help Yourself

  • Talk to your doctor about treatment
  • Establish feelings of safety
  • Set realistic goals for yourself
  • Get support: professional/friend/relative
  • Establish positive outlook/coping ability
  • Communicate about the trauma
  • Get clear and relaxed
  • Take care of yourself physically
Break up large tasks into small ones; identify action steps

Professional Help

Talk to your doctor about treatments

Be Safe

Establishing a Sense of Safety 
A major step toward recovery is establishing a sense of safety and security.

Trauma victims feel threatened from two directions -- inside, they are flooded by emotions: intense fear, anger, depression, and helplessness. From the outside, their world is irrevocably turned upside down. This is especially true in divorce.

The sense of loneliness and isolation can be devastating.

This can be radically disorienting.

Emotional instability interferes with your ability to make clear, rational decisions for your future.

Seek comfortable situations, places, and people.
Photo by James Pond

Realistic Goals

Expect symptoms to improve gradually
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Give yourself time to heal

Anticipate that this will be a difficult time in your life. Allow yourself to mourn the losses you have experienced. Try to be patient with changes in your emotional state.
Photo by Sprengben

Support

  • Practical help solving problems
  • A sense of being understood and accepted
  • Sharing of traumatic experiences
  • That you're not alone
  • Shared coping tips
Support is one of the keys to recovery after any trauma.

Support increases well-being and limits distress.

Being connected to others makes it easier to obtain knowledge needed for recovery.

Ask for support from people who care about you and who will listen and empathize with your situation.

Find out about local support groups that often are available such as for those who have suffered from trauma. These can be especially helpful for people with limited personal support systems.

Try to find groups led by appropriately trained and experienced professionals. Group discussion can help people realize that other individuals in the same circumstances often have similar reactions and emotions.

Coping Ability

Believing that "you can do it"
Research has found that coping self-efficacy (believing that you can do it) is related to better mental health outcomes for trauma survivors.

When you think that you can cope no matter what happens to you, you tend to do better.

It is not so much feeling like you can handle things in general. Rather, it is believing you can cope with the results of a trauma that has been found to help survivors to recover.

Hope

  • Optimism for the future
  • Expect the positive
  • Belief that things will work out
  • Outside sources are acting on your behalf
  • Belief in something larger
  • Feelings of gratitude
  • Practical resources: housing, job, money
Better outcomes after trauma are likely if you have one or more of the following:

Communicate your experience in whatever way feels comfortable to you, such as talking, or keeping a journal

Writing to Heal

The evidence is mounting that the act of writing about traumatic experience for as little as 15 to 20 minutes a day for 3 to 4 days can produce measurable changes in physical and mental health.

Meditation

Facilitate a relaxation response
Meditation enhances self-awareness, compassion for oneself and your ex, as well as inner peace.
Photo by Spirit-Fire

Extreme Stress

How to Restore Emotional Well Being
According to the American Psychological Association “there are a number of steps you can take to help restore emotional well being and a sense of control following a disaster or other traumatic experience.”
Photo by Emma Simpson

Exercise can decrease ‘stress hormones' like cortisol, and increase endorphins, your body's ‘feel-good’ chemicals, giving your mood a natural boost.

This is the chemistry behind a ‘runner’s high’.

Engage in healthy behaviors to enhance your ability to cope with excessive stress.

Eat well-balanced meals and get plenty of rest.

If you experience ongoing difficulties with sleep, you may be able to find some relief through relaxation techniques.

Avoid alcohol and drugs.

Establish or reestablish routines such as eating meals at regular times and follow an exercise program.

Take some time off from the demands of daily life by pursuing hobbies or other enjoyable activities.

“I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”
- Carl Jung

Photo by Greg Rakozy