Overall, the writing is pretty good. There's still work to be done. The main issue is with structure.
The goal of the mini-essay design is to clearly and quickly express an argument; the argument must be supported by evidence, the evidence must be properly cited. We then use the counterargument and rebuttal to show critical thinking and consideration of alternatives.
We're still seeing a lot of Stream of Consciousness writing. Why is this such a big deal/problem?
SoC writing: a series of thoughts and expressions around a question in a sort of thought journey; a clear beginning, middle and end is difficult to discern; a clear argument and evidence is difficult to identify
SoC writing often puts the burden of understanding on the reader, and suggests the writer is using the act of writing to explore his or her own ideas. It also suggests the writer didn't outline his or her thoughts ahead of writing. At worst, it suggests the author has no real position and is sort of word vomiting to fill space.
That is, it suggests a lack of self-awareness and/or time taken to a really bake a position. SoC writing is excellent for personal brainstorming, but NOT for our purposes here. We might use SoC writing to eventually build a mini-essay.
In the mini-essay, we are exploring quick writing for sharing, IE for KM. By the time something makes it to our tumblr for the formal writing assignment(s), it should be well baked and structured. Its purpose is to express a coherent and concise argument that brings evidence to bear. We should consider how this writing would be similar to the writing for senior decision makers and executives, IE we want them to do something with our ideas -- we want their support. It needs to be tight.
Related concepts with the "mini-essay" style:
// ATTENTION TO DETAIL and SPEED. By conforming to a specific format, we accelerate the reader's focus to an understanding of our message. If the format varies, that costs time -- the reader must orient on structure AND content, our goal is for the reader to focus on CONTENT alone.
// CREATIVITY through CONSTRAINTS. By conforming to a format, it theoretically demands INCREASED creativity in the content, check this link here:
http://www.fastcompany.com/3027379/work-smart/the-psychology-of-limitations...(just one tumblr this week; focus, focus, focus -- write well)
Please add the hashtag "60303wk7" (without quotes...) to your post.