a path to commitment

After I wrote and published this short novella. I ran into several people that asked, most the time, not directly but in conversation, why be in a life commitment or marriage with someone. I did not have a ready answer until recently.



The difference between a couple that live a loving and committed relationship compared to those that moved from one to another, or not at all, is this:
In a committed and loving relation together, you have the possibility to leave a legacy and example for the next generation. Or you may just leave a short few footsteps in the sand that wash away when the tide comes in and washed them away forever. And that can make all the difference.

Love is the most powerful experience we have as humans that we can share with someone else through all our senses. In physical touch, words whispered between each other, the scent of a loved one nuzzled closely, taste, and eye contact.



Love moves people to pursue adventurous changes in their life and can generally increase our success in life. When loving someone, our entire brain chemistry changes, and the effects overflow into positive changes in all areas of life.…

There are many definitions of love, but I want to start us off with an adjustable/adaptable framework or foundation of what it means to love someone.

Loving someone is the process of sharing yourself so you may both experience a better life together. The foundation areas are friendship, commitment, the act of loving someone, integrity, and communication.

The following are a set of 10 basic Principles for developing an incredibly awesome, intimate, relationship. This list is a very good start of the basics common to every relationship regardless of nationality, religion, or culture.


In the next section after reading these, you will want to write these in your own words or develop your own principles and take ownership.


They will cease to be principles that I have provided and become yours when you take ownership of them. Writing these or rewriting as I suspect you will do, is part of this process of developing an awesome relationship.

I. Be a friend for life and for love; make every effort to be worthy of her time and eventually her love. She is the reason for wanting in this relationship. She is central to your life success, and you want to be central to hers.

II. Commitment is more than just being together. Commitment is believing in your soul that you are both better together.


You believe, together, that you make each other better individuals and as a couple, you can create something better than what you can as individuals.


Commitment is believing this so deeply that when things get rough (and they do get rough - sometimes for a longer than expected time), that you in-fact find ways to be both better together.

III. Fulfilling her needs satisfies your needs. She is a beautiful human being that you admire, trust, love and want to learn more about every day. You listen to each word and body movement.
You’re sensitive to her needs and only by paying attention can you learn what those needs and wants are. These will be wants and needs for trust, protection, physical intimacy, career support, intellectual inspiration, and many more.
These needs also extend to her children and family. You are not her servant, but fulfilling her needs will lead to satisfaction of your needs.

IV. Integrity. Be true to yourself and your partner. Keep the commitment you have made in your relationship and all other commitments in all areas of your life.
Know who you are and what you value. Your partner and everyone else will respect and admire that you live what you believe in. Defining your values ahead of time removes obstacles that can harm your life and relationships.

V. Communicating is more about listening, and it’s a two-way street. Sometimes just listening is what is important. You don’t always have to try and solve her problems or rationalize why she’s had a hard day at work.


Sometimes giving her space is important for her and she needs time away. And sometimes making her laugh is important.


But communication is also about what you give back. Not being open to the one you love burdens you with a weight that she will not know you are carrying. And the same is true in reverse. Make sure there are open communications.

VI. Honesty – Do you both want the same things of out life? Do you have the same goals and want the same things? In the past, marriage and relationships were primarily to raise a family and take care of the farm or the family business.


Today and not too long ago either, things changed and people’s life goals, choices, options and priorities have changed. In today’s world, the biggest preventable failure is when two people begin a relationship and are either not completely honest (about what they want and expect out of life) or they do not actively listen and believe what their partner says are their wants, needs, and expectations.


It is imperative that you are honest about your expectations and your expectations of one another.

VII. Trust. Earning their trust and giving trust will reverberate down every path of a relationship. She has to be able to trust that you are making decisions in the best interest of you both and you must trust her to do the same.


Without trust, you have no sustainable relationship. This is essential.

VIII. Renewing the romance keeps love new and exciting. Keep the spark, the flame alive. Women want to be wanted, respected and desired.
We like to be courted with romantic gestures, continuously surprised about how very much you are interested in her, and the many ways you can find to show her.


Practicing romance daily is not a normal habit for most men. Use your imagination. Buys some books on things to do.

IX. Sexual pleasure for a woman is much more interesting than the basics most of us learn through rumor and movies. In fact, most rumors and movies miss the point entirely.
Men are turned on most of the time by default. On the other hand, each woman is unique, and most men are hasty when it comes to lovemaking.
To become a great pleasure giver you will have to learn by experimenting, asking, and listening to your loved one about what will bring her to arousal and satisfaction.
Sex is a healthy and natural part of life. Do not be afraid or belittle self-education and exploration. Anybody can learn to become really good between the sheets, and great sex is a journey that never ends.

X. Making Memories. A loving relationship is built through shared experiences, joys, arguments, and acts of love and respect. We experience the moment and remember the past sometimes in vivid details. Make sure you do the best to provide an experience worth remembering that you both will love and enjoy.
I am not talking just about vacation time here. Simple whispers, soft touches can go a lot further than even that rushed weekend getaway for most. Keep this in mind, scenic experiences are great, but also provide friendship and romance on the home front as often as times permit.
Simple acts of friendship and love strengthen commitment. You are friends, you may live together one day or already do. Make sure the time together is respected, relaxed when possible and be there for each other in times of stress and fun.

Commitment to another person is the continual act of devotion not only to the internal health of your relationship but also the external desires and goals of your partnership.

This will not always be easy! In fact, it may at times be difficult to keep love going. Let’s assume, at least the following three pillars are needed for a foundation to sustain and grow a loving relationship. You, of course, can add or extend any thoughts listed here; same as you will augment the principles that just followed, all of this is open for changes and edits, and additions.

The Pillars for Forever

• Strong Friendship Bond
• Acts of love and romance
• Honest Mutual Commitment

These three pillars can exist alone but need each other for a loving relationship to last. A strong friendship bond derives itself at the beginning of a relationship. The friendship that brought you two together must be given room to flourish and grow; never overlook the importance of being friends.


Acts of love and romance are, for most couples, kick-starters to the relationship to begin with. The last pillar, commitment, is what can carry the relationship through ups and downs for when acts of love may lessen or and even the friendship has moments of doubt.


Think of commitment as the road that friendship and love walk together over.

Next Steps

• Write these principles down. Post them somewhere you can read them often. Bathroom mirror, refrigerator, somewhere.
• Add your own words. This list above is only a framework to grow
• Think through this material.

Next Steps 2

• Expand on the thoughts. It may take time as this is exercising something new.
• Start keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings as you read through the principles. Plan to make them yours and habit forming which isn’t done in a day or week but over weeks and months.

Recommended Reading

• The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman
• 1,001 Ways to be Romantic: More Romantic than Ever by Gregory J.P. Godek
• Soulmate Experience - Mali Apple & Joe Dunn

Further Recommended Reading

• Why we Love - Helen Fisher
• 101 Nights of Grrreat Romance: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples by Laura Corn

Last Recommended Reading

• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love - Amir Levine
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work - John Gottam PhD
• She Comes First - Ian Kerne

The link below is a challenge but also worth wild exercise for any relationship
http://36questionsinlove.com/
It may take a few tries to complete this and in some cases, both of you may not be ready to do this together for a some time.

thank you for reading this introduction