My essential question is: Why does hiding truth always damage relationships? (relational)

According to the article, “How Secrets and Lies Destroy Relationships”, by Darlene Lancer, there is a cost to secrets and lies. Secrets can block real intimacy with someone, lead to cover-ups, and make the person keeping the secret feel shameful or guilty.

Secrets can develop many mental issues as well. They add up and if the truth comes out, it can become more hurtful than the original secret. Over long periods of time, deception can eat away at our self esteem. Ordinary guilt that could have originally been reversed with honesty, now becomes shame. It can mess with our sense of dignity and worthiness as a person.

In The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, it is clear throughout the first 15 chapters that there are many secrets being held. Hester, the main character, is the one keeping the most secrets out of everyone. She hides the identity of Dimmesdale, Pearl’s father, to protect him from getting punished. But keeping this secret ends up causing lots of pain for the both of them. Hester is forced to live in isolation while being judged by the whole town, and Dimmesdale is secretly living in shame and guilt. Their failure to be honest prevents them from really healing and finding true peace.

When it comes to keeping secrets from others, people have many different opinions on how much “truth” others need to know. For everyone involved, all of the pain of secrecy compounds the pain over time, and the longer the deception continues, the more damaging it is to self-esteem. This can for sure damage relationships or even change the dynamic of friendships and other relationships that you may have in your life. The potential damage and complications that surround hiding secrets are things to consider when telling keeping things from others.