I want to give you a framework to approach conflict resolution - an algorithm you can follow to bring people together (e.g., cats + puns + photoshop).

First, stop the conflict from escalating.

Figure out what happened...

Get everyone aligned to the same goal

And get them moving!

You'll note that I keep it casual. If there's a conflict, coming in all confrontational and authoritative can escalate the situation, so keep it low-key.

Feedback loops feed themselves, so you have to figure out how to...

Break the cycle!

Get their attention!

Command attention! Picard is great at this - tone is powerful, especially if you're super laid back all the time.

Try breaking their line of sight with a physical imposition. Create a distraction with sound - hit the table, stomp your foot. Stage actors do this!

Take advantage of space! We live in three dimensions, break the interaction on multiple levels.

Try a non-sequitur! Tenuously related things are better than completely off the wall comments - this is sort of related because it's The Talk and I'm giving a talk. You want them to follow that link and...

disorient them...

Break their immersion. It should feel like being wrenched out of a dream.

Okay, you've got their attention. Now we need to figure out what happened!

Get them to tell you the story.

You want to create a conversation...

And an audience.

Give them a schema they're used to - they know what happens in conversations and they know what audiences do.

One player is the speaker. You're the listener. The other player is the audience. The speaker is aware of the audience...

YOU.

Enforce turn-taking! Reassure the interrupter that they'll get their turn, but stop the jibber jabber!

Use body language to cue who is being listened to. Face the person who is speaking, and don't face the person who isn't.

Nod, etc - show that you're engaged!

I use Clinton here because he's fantastic at using body language to signal transitions.

Now you want to mirror the story back to them.

Paraphrase and reframe it, but be super careful about your language...

You don't just want to hang things on people. Talk about the situation. Use passive voice.

This happened. This looks tapped. You get to own your perception and your understanding but don't attribute stuff to other people.

This helps create space between people and the conflict, and that's good! So let's indulge in a little creative depersonalization. The infraction is silliness and the penalty is glaring.

Not you committed silliness and I'm going to glare at you.

See the difference?

Run it by the other person...

and get their side of the story!

Now give your version! Usually, not always, but usually, it'll be somewhere in the middle.

Highlight the elements that led you to the understanding you have and drive your decision.

Again, be careful with language here.

I believe because you said this happened.

You can attribute statements, but try not to attribute game actions if you possibly can!

Explain what comes next.

Get them aligned toward the same goal...

Which ideally is to play alot of Magic.

If they're not ready to get back to the task at hand, give them space...

Be discreet about it - ask them for some clarification away from the table. Give them an excuse; it's hard to admit you need some time so give them an out.

Once they're ready, get them back to the game...

Remind them where they are in the turn and what they should do next.

Remember to smile!

Thank them...

And thank you!

That's Konrad Lorenz, he did a bunch of imprinting work with ducks and geese. These geese are imprinted on him, it's adorable.