Patriarchy

Patriarchy

• Historically, children were father’s property, i.e., father could do with them as he pleased w/o fear of sanction.

Patriarchy

• Historically traditions and laws re marriage gave husbands the right to control their wives, by force if necessary.

Patriarchy

• British Common Law allowed wife beating. “Compassionate” reform limited size of husband’s correctional instrument to “a rod not thicker than his thumb.” rule of thumb

Abuse in Marriage

October 12, 2003

Church

Researcher: Participant Observer

a. We learned that we could not bring our daughter and her children to stay with us temporarily as it could be represented as international kidnapping by the father's attorney.

Researcher: Participant Observer

a. We learned that we could not bring our daughter and her children to stay with us temporarily as it could be represented as international kidnapping by the father's attorney.

Researcher: Participant Observer

b. We learned that for a stay-at-home mom, creating an exit plan is challenging. As head of the home, our daughter's husband had asked her to put her nursing career on hold to be a full-time mom, a more biblical model from his hierarchical perspective.

Researcher: Participant Observer

c. We learned that they had gone for counseling, where she was advised to be more submissive and to be a better wife in the bedroom. Her husband quoted Scripture to support his headship and his husbandly rights.

Researcher: Participant Observer

d. We learned that our daughter had done an excellent job of keeping the abuse a secret, so there was very little evidence to construct a paper trail for use in custody issues.

Researcher: Participant Observer

d. We learned that our daughter had done an excellent job of keeping the abuse a secret, so there was very little evidence to construct a paper trail for use in custody issues.

Researcher: Participant Observer

e. We learned that she had mastered walking on eggshells. We respected her desire not to make him angry at that point--she decided not to press charges or force him to pay child support, because of her fears of his response.

Researcher: Participant Observer
f. We learned that she was angry with God, because he did not stop what was happening, even when she prayed for help.

g. We were introduced to PTSD. We learned to answer the phone and walk away from whatever we were doing. We learned to walk with her, not in front and not behind. We learned we had to take turns.

Researcher: Participant Observer
g. We were introduced to PTSD. We learned to answer the phone and walk away from whatever we were doing. We learned to walk with her, not in front and not behind. We learned we had to take turns.

LaVelma

Church Culture

Church Culture

• She stays because the church preaches Malachi 2:16: “I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel”.

Change Church Culture

• Malachi 2:16b: “and I hate a man’s covering himself [or “his wife” (NIV footnote)] with violence as well as with his garment,” says the Lord Almighty.”

What about the kids?

Impact of violence on brain
anxiety
spiritual

Increases risks
runaway
vulnerability
exploitation

Pray AND . . .

• Learn about abuse (everyone in ministry!)
• Work with community resources; keep list handy
• Have flyers visible in the foyer and in restrooms

Pray AND . . .

Pray AND . . .

• Feature sermons and Bible studies about abuse
• Believe her and take her fears seriously

Pray AND . . .

• Feature sermons and Bible studies about abuse
• Believe her and take her fears seriously

Family

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