TAKING CARE OF CANCER:
Published on Sep 11, 2017
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PRESENTATION OUTLINE
TAKING CARE OF CANCER: My Experience (so far)
by Howard A. Peelle, with images selected by Roy Van Til
Rainbow: View east from HAP and Carolyn's South Amherst home overlooking a nature preserve rich in bird life.
TAKING CARE OF CANCER
- Part 1 Always Important
- Part 2 Hospital Hell
- Part 3 Me vs.C.
- Part 4 Choiceless Changes
- Part 5 + Attitude
White Swan: Avian symbol of pure calm and beauty.
Photo by Patrick Brinksma
TAKING CARE OF CANCER
- Part 6 Big Picture
- Part 7 Time and $
- Part 8 Daily Realities
- Part 9 Productive Survival
- Part 10 Mantra
Black Swan: Such events are typically random and unexpected. Term coined by Nassim Nicholas Talib, a Wall Street trader.
Photo by 0ystercatcher
Part 1
Always Important
HAP and Carolyn at entrance to the new home they designed and helped to build in South Amherst. Photo by RVT
FAMILY & FRIENDS
Please visit CaringBridge.org/visit/hapeelle
for communication with family and friends.
Family on Deck: Daughter Rya and husband and their two daughters, son Caleb, HAP and Carolyn, daughter Jessi and her three children, daughter Juliet and husband and their two sons.
CHILDREN & GRANDCHILDREN
That's what it's all about:
Mariah, Juliet, and Jessi:
Life going on...
Caleb, HAP: Shaka! Father and son hanging loose.
...and on...
2015 Christmas Card: Generation Two beneath, Gen Four above
CAT WHISPER
Pika seems to understand what I'm going through...
HAP, Pika: Photo by Carolyn.
WHO'S WATCHING OVER THEE?
"Owl Eyes" galaxies: Haiku Deck photo of colliding galaxies from NASA. Best estimate in 2017 is that there are at least two trillion galaxies in the universe, formed over the last 13.7 billion years, containing an average of 100 billion stars per galaxy. Pictured here are two of those two trillion.
Photo by NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center
When vulnerable, with new needs, it is important to have someone to rely on. Managing cancer alone would be really difficult.
Lean on me: It takes much more than a village.
Fortunately, my dear wife Carolyn is my loyal caregiver, super-nurse sister Sallie helps regularly...
Mother Teresa: Albanian-Indian Roman Catholic nun who worked selflessly with lepers in Calcutta for many decades and won global acclaim and a Nobel Peace Prize...and sainthood.
Photo by mammovies
and other family and friends are kindly pitching in. All this is nourishing closer relationships.
"Hands Across the Divide" statue in Derry, Northern Ireland, symbolizing peace and interfaith cooperation at the end of the Troubles.
SCIENCE
Following the doctors' recommendations based on scientific studies...while staying open to alternatives. There is a lot to learn.
Contemplation of night: Center of the Milky Way galaxy is seen behind the constellation Sagittarius.
Photo by NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center
Part 2
Hospital Hell
Bosch medical mural: From a tryptic by Hieronymous Bosch, painter from the Netherlands circa 1500. Insert: Caduceus or the Staff of Hermes, a universal medical symbol.
Photo by f_snarfel
DISLOCATED HIP
Feb. 28, 2017 R hip replacement.
April 15, 2017 Dislocated R hip...
Abstract hip anatomy
...Fixed at Holyoke Medical Center. 5/2/17 Dislocated R hip (again). Fixed at HMC. Surprise TIA. MRI. Uh oh. Ambulance to Boston.
Ambulance: Nearly half a million hip replacements are performed each year in the USA. Most are planned well ahead of time.
Photo by vonderauvisuals
STOMACH CANCER
10 days at Mass. General: ICU, Neurology, then Oncology. MRI. Endoscopy. CT Scans. Cancer Discovery: Adenocarcinoma Stage IV.
CT scanner: These machines use X-rays, exposing the patient to the equivalent of 3 to 5 years of background radiation. MRI units use no radiation at all, relying instead on magnetism to enable the imaging to be done.
Photo by Muffet
BLEED
May 16, 2017: Vomited new blood and fainted. Fortunately, Juliet called 911.
HAP, Juliet
TREATMENTS
Radiation (14x). FolFox chemo infusions (Five 2-week cycles). Iron infusions (2). Lovenox blood thinner shots (2x/day)
CT tube: There are approximately 12,000 Computed Tomography machines in the USA and 9,000 MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) units.
HELL, GO
"When you are going through hell,
keep going." ...Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill statue: Sculpture in bronze was completed for installation in London's Parliament Square in 1973 by Ivor-Robert-Jones.
Photo by Mihnea Maftei
HOSPITAL REFORM
Many hospital practices need to be reformed. To wit: A hospital is not a good place to sleep.
Yet sleep is crucial for healing.
Mask
Photo by id-iom
NEW CANCER CENTER
Good news: Our local hospital is now officially affiliated with Mass. General Hospital...
Bob and Mike Bryan: The quintessence of teamwork. The most successful men's doubles team in tennis history.
...and has just established a new Cancer Center, including comfortable infusion rooms.
Cooley Dickinson infusion area: Patients are required to stay in place for a matter of hours at a time to receive the full benefit of the administered infusion of medicine. Facilities like this make the treatment less onerous to endure.
Part 3
Me vs. C.
Ali v. Frazier: March 8, 1971. Their first of three classic fights. Joe Frazier triumphed by knocking down Muhammad Ali in the fifteenth round, winning on both rounds and points. Ali would win both their second fight in Madison Square Garden and their third and final match, also known as the Thrilla in Manila.
ACCIDENT EMPATHY
I now empathize with trauma victims. All of a sudden, everything changes. No more "normal" life. I wonder if I will ever feel good again.
Car crash scene: There are six million vehicular crashes in the USA per year.
Photo by Chris Yarzab
A MOVIE?
Sometimes it seems like I am in a movie:
Is this real?
Lone silhouette on hill
Photo by Jordan Hile
COMPETING FOR RESOURCES
It's a battle: I can't tell if the chemo or cancer is winning. Or which is doing more damage to me. Show me graphs.
Lions' catch: Two huge cats bring down and devour a heavier water buffalo with ferocity.
GETTING TO KNOW MY TUMOR
Blood vessels: An adult human has 20-30 trillion red blood cells circulating at any one time. That number looks like this: 25,000,000,000,000.
Photo by romeroleo
Dr. K said my tumor was about the size of a clementine, ulcerated, in a kidney-bean shape, at the top of my stomach about where the esophagus empties.
Invisible man: Claude Rains played Dr. Jack Griffin in "The Invisible Man" , a film from Universal Studios in 1933, based on H.G. Wells famous novel.
...It causes blood clots. Apparently, it is also causing acid reflux. But it is not visible on a CT scan. We can only assume that the radiation treatment worked
Clots: The average human body contains 37.2 trillion cells.
Photo by National Institutes of Health (NIH)
...since there has been no more bleeding. We can't estimate when the tumor started and don't know what caused it. We don't even know when it metastasized.
Mandelbrot fractal: a mathematical function that when plotted on a computer screen roughly resembles a series of heart-shaped disks to which smaller disks are attached and that consists of a connected set of all points c in the complex plane for which the recursive expression zn+1 = zn2 + c for n = 0, 1, 2, 3, … with the starting value z0 = 0 remains bounded as n approaches infinity
Or its current growth rate.
Branchy tree: The banyan is a kind of fig tree that can grow over a century to spread over an acre of land.
Photo by Brandon Green
DRUG DEALINGS
I've had to learn - fast - about a lot of drugs: names purpose, dosage, side-effects, etc.
Pills: In 2016, there were approximately 4.45 billion prescriptions issued all over the United States, or about 125 per capita.
Photo by freestocks.org
We also have to decide where to keep them and to remember when to take them.
Jars: The total value of drugs prescribed in the USA in a year is $400 billion.
Photo by Matt Briney
PAIN...Doctors ask: "Do you have pain?"
I don't yet, fortunately. Surely other cancer patients do, and it may be hard to deal with.
Smiley face bandaged
Photo by Tobias van Schneider
PAIN IS COMPLEX - and idiosyncratic
--not simply, "Pick a smiley face".
Smiley face winking
Photo by Tobias van Schneider
Part 4
Choiceless Changes
Elvis in Jailhouse Rock: 1957 American musical dramatic film directed by Richard Thorpe. Presley's songs included Jailhouse Rock, All Shook Up, Treat Me Nice, and I Want to be Free, all written by Leiber and Stoller.
KNOW SLOW
I am slowing down, so I have to allow more time for everything.
Snail: Cornu aspersum moves along at a top speed of 0.029 mph, or about three feet per minute.
Photo by Just Jussi
SLEEP NOT
It's hard to sleep (or nap) even though I am tired most days.
Knot: A nap should be about fifteen to thirty minutes in duration. If you nap longer than thirty minutes your body lapses into delta, or deep, sleep. Delta sleep is difficult to wake from and if interrupted or just completed, can leave you feeling terribly groggy.
Photo by Robert Zunikoff
PATIENT POOP
Constipation has been an ordeal for several months. I am mostly regular now. What a relief!
Stegosaurus: These herbivorous dinosaurs grew up to 26-30 feet long, about 9 feet tall, and weighed about 6,800 pounds. Its brain was the size of a walnut. It ate all day to survive.
Photo by foilman
Even familiar fare doesn't taste the same as I remember.
I am allowed only bland food and drinks.
Ice cream sundaes
Photo by m01229
Nothing spicy. Nothing with a crust. No nuts. No raisins. No fruit with skins or seeds. No alcohol. I have to force myself to eat.
Bland food: Joey Chestnut, champion eater, mugs with the Nathan's hot dogs he would stuff down during a typical competition.
WEIGHT LOSS
The head Mass. General Hospital oncologist warned: "Don't lose weight." I weigh 143 now. A real concern.
Loose waist belt: The average American man is 5 feet 9 inches tall,
weighs 195.5 pounds, and has a
waist circumference of 39.7 inches.
weighs 195.5 pounds, and has a
waist circumference of 39.7 inches.
Photo by bark
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY
Everything I do - even talking -
saps my energy.
Pendulum balls: Newton's Cradle is a simple desktop device that demonstrates the conservation of momentum and energy.
Part 5
+ Attitude
USA ice hockey Olympics win: The "Miracle on Ice" refers to the stunning semifinal upset win by the rag-tag US team against the powerhouse Russians in the 1980 Winter Olympic Games at Lake Placid. The USA would go on to beat Finland in the final round for the gold medal.
DIEINGLY SAD
Not "Dying Sadly".
Original 45 record: The Critters, a small singing group from New Jersey, also sang "Younger Girl" with "Gone for Awhile" on the B-side.
NO WOE
No "Woe is me." No "Why me?"
No "I drew a bad card."
Torn queen of spades: This powerful card symbolizes action and decisive individuality.
Photo by mfcorwin
YES. I CAN
Mountain climber: The climate of Mount Everest is naturally extreme. In January, the coldest month, the summit temperature averages about -36° C (about -33° F) and can drop as low as -60° C (-76° F). In July, the warmest month, the average summit temperature is -19° C (-2° F).
By myself, I can now: put my socks on; walk without a cane; step up and down a few stairs; take a shower;
Sisyphus: Albert Camus wrote that the Greek gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor.
pee during the night; swallow pills; watch 1/2 hour of TV; use the computer; and drive short distances.
Evolution: The highest stage here is a silhouette of "The Karate Kid" from the original movie in 1984 starring Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita.
BEING NICE
It's nice to interact with nice people.
I'm trying to be nice(r) too.
Barack and Michelle Obama
Photo by afagen
MAYBE...MAYBE
It's possible researchers find more effective therapies, such as immunotherapy. Maybe for my cancer.
White blood cell: There are approximately 56 billion white blood cells in an average healthy human body.
HAP LUCK
"happ" means good luck
4-leaf clover: Typically, there is one four-leaf clover for every 5000 three-leaf clovers.
Photo by JD Hancock
Part 6
Big Picture
Galaxy: The Andromeda Galaxy, thought to be very similar to the Milky Way in size and structure, is the closest large galaxy to our own. It is visible to the naked eye from the northern hemisphere. It is "only" 2.5 million light years from Earth.
GAME ON
Roger Federer: One of the greatest tennis players of all time, the Swiss Maestro is the winner of 19 major singles championships as of November of 2017.
Photo by y.caradec
Dealing with my cancer is not about winning. But I'm not giving up. Shakespeare wrote, "The play's the thing." This applies to work, creativity, interpersonal relations, ...indeed, life.
Sir Lawrence Olivier as Hamlet: "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath borne me on his back a thousand times, and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it." ...William Shakespeare
SHEDDING THE PAST
Clothier Hall: Swarthmore College. Photo by RVT.
Untitled Slide
Interception: (Insert) HAP at Swarthmore in early sixties. Background is a scene from "Remember the Titans" , a Martin Scorcese film from the year 2000.
Untitled Slide
- Not one to dwell or regret, nonetheless I have accumulated a lot of stuff. I am giving away things, tuning out negative memories, forgetting about unfinished business, and maintaining a healthy balance of 1/3 past, 1/3 present, and 1/3 future.
Three hour glasses: An invention in 150 B.C. in Alexandria.
Photo by kerolic
UNFINISHED BUSINESS
Basement construction at 742. Photo by RVT.
Untitled Slide
- Professional: I will miss teaching students and refining my courses; co-writing articles on the importance of trust in developmental mathematics; research and development of algorithms to compute partitions in number theory; and meeting colleagues at international conferences.
Partitions of 8: In number theory and combinatorics, a partition of a positive integer n, also called an integer partition, is a way of writing n as a sum of positive integers.
Athletics:
I would love to play (senior) tennis and racquetball again. BUT...
Fallen tennis player: Top tennis players run more than a mile or two in a typical five-set match, or an average of 25-50 feet per point.
Travel:
Return to Hawaii, Japan, or...
NaPali Coast photo: Image of footsteps on a beach in Hawaii, captured by Caleb M. Peelle.
Recreational:
Play in the World Backgammon Championship in Monte Carlo.
Backgammon board: The game is played worldwide the amateur and professional level, requiring some luck and much skill and a lot of nerve.
Photo by Mark Bonica
Domestic:
Sell our Shutesbury house. Finish the basement in our new house.
508 Pratt Corner Road: Built by HAP and Carolyn in 1970. Photo by RVT.
Personal:
Become a better person. See our grandkids grow up.
DaVinci sketch: "Vitruvian Man", 1487. Insert: Fig Leaf compliments of the censors.
FUCKIT LIST
I don't want to travel, buy a new sports car, new clothes, or tennis racquet; play golf; read novels;
Rock climber: Alex Honnold, greatest free solo climber in the world, bouldering as usual without any ropes or safety on an outcrop.
And I don't want to write my autobiography; get psychotherapy; discuss politics; watch old movies; go out for dinner.
Buckets unfilled: Dutch children beside the North Sea in Zandvoort, Holland, in 1971. Photo by RVT.
GIVING BACK
I'd like to give back what I've learned to whomever is interested and willing to listen.
Speech to canyon: Arizona's Grand Canyon, South Rim.
There is much to return to my family for their unconditional love and support. For instance, I could thank my children for teaching me how to be a parent.
Snowy sledding
Photo by [Ananabanana]
Lately I have been giving back to tennis. I observe our 'Oldies but Goodies' men's doubles at Holyoke Canoe Club where Carolyn plays. I offer one tennis tip to those who ask.
HAP's (3) tennis books: Created in 1989, 1986, and 1988, respectively. Photo by RVT.
Part 7
Time and $
Gold money clock
TIME
I don't know how much time I have. No one is willing to predict how long until cancer's sure call. I wonder if I will see you again.
Sunset on lake: End of a summer day at Wilson Lake in Wilton, Maine. Photo by RVT.
FULL FUNERAL
The earlier I die, the more friends will be alive to attend my funeral.
Swarthmore friends: Roy Van Til, HAP, Freebo, Tom Webb, Roger North, and Bob Gwin. Pictured at the House Party for Freebo in June of 2013.
MY TURN
As eldest of 6 siblings, apparently I am de facto patriarch now, since our parents passed away a few years ago.
Gemma & Bobpa and baby HAP: New York, 1944.
MEDICAL LEAVE
I have just received a year medical leave from UMass (with full salary). We are fortunate to have a good insurance & retirement system.
UMass Chapel: The Old Chapel designed by Stephen C. Earle was built in Amherst in 1884.
$
I have never been motivated by money. I never bought a lottery ticket. I believe that dollars do not represent a person's true worth.
Gold fox/dragon
And if you have a lot of money, you have to worry about keeping it.
Fort Knox: Pure gold in a vault...but photo does not show Fort Knox. The standard gold bar held and traded internationally by central banks and bullion dealers is the Good Delivery bar with a 400 oz (12.4 kg or 438.9 ounces) nominal weight. The value at current 11/17 gold prices is $506,400 per gold brick.
Part 8
Daily Realities
Hollywood outhouse: In England.
TESTS AND TREATMENTS
This is my world now: Many trips to the hospital. Multiple meds. I'm coping cooperatively.
Gulliver: Lilliputians tie down Lemuel Gulliver in Jonathan Swift's classic tale from 1726.
MEDICAL MARIJUANA
After experimenting with different strains, methods, and amounts, I have settled (for now) on Indica
Marijuana plants: They grow well and in large scale hydroponically in the many states that have legalized the weed.
Photo by Neon Tommy
via tincture drops to help sleeping at night a hybrid soft chewy nugget for anti-nausea and appetite stimulation in the afternoon. (I do not smoke it)
Beatles: Detail of the Fab Four from the cover of "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" from 1967.
MINOR MALADIES
Brain map: Schematic of the cerebral areas controlling certain functions. Photo by RVT.
Nausea; needle-jabs in fingertips - especially when touching cold things; slow swallows (due to radiation burn on my esophagus); creepy itches; strange tastes;
Band-Aid
Photo by Nathal
hyper sense of smell; bumpy scalp; 'mitten' teeth; chapped lips; bulging disk in neck;
Grouper
muscle weakness; neuropathy in hands and feet; aversion to bright lights and loud noises (due to 2004 stroke); low body temp.
Split-face skeleton
Photo by Samuel Zeller
ACCEPTING HELP
Instead of my usual "I'll do it myself", I now welcome help, particularly when needed.
I try to accept help with mutual dignity.
Curtisses with HAP
NEW HOUSE
We are deeply grateful to be in our new house now.
Southeast corner of 742: Photo by RVT.
Thanks to my father for inheritance funds.
Bobpa: Robert Beatty Peelle, 1919-2013.
VISITORS
We've had to minimize visitors,
hoping everyone understands why.
HAP, Roy Van Til, Mike O'Donnell: Photo taken at wedding of Desi Van Til and Sean Mewshaw, October of 2006, at Cape Newagen, Southport, ME.
Part 9
Productive Survival
Orchid: Photo by HAP.
IF NOT NOW, WHEN?
Freebo's signature song.
Surely pertinent.
Freebo at Shutesbury house: After his performance at the house party in 2013. Statue of dancers by George Gach. Photo by RVT.
PLANNED PROJECTS
I like having projects to work on and to think about. I'm planning a photo book of the interior of our house.
The Thinker: Rodin's masterpiece, in bronze, in Philadelphia. From his "Gates of Hell" series of sculptures, 1880-1917.
Photo by steven n fettig
50th IN SIGHT?
Carolyn Curtiss and I were married on September 9, 1967
HAP & Carolyn's 1967 wedding
50th
We visited Hawaii this January and then held a small gathering of family and friends to celebrate on our golden anniversary.
HAP & Carolyn at Polynesian Cultural Center: Hawaii, January of 2017.
CHRISTMAS COVE
For 48 summers, we have enjoyed vacation in Maine.
Vivi on Mills' rope swing: South Bristol, Maine. Photo by RVT.
In August we rented a different cottage with a new perspective, talked with old friends and made new friends.
CCIA Club and tennis courts: Christmas Cove, Maine.
SUPPORT GROUPS
I look forward to meeting more cancer survivors, perhaps in local support groups.
Hello: It's all about connecting with people.
Inauguration of President Obama: January 20, 2009.
Photo by pursuethepassion
EXERCISE
Walking. Hand weights. Step-ups. Stretching.
I want to do more.
Stormtroopers dancing YMCA: Pop song by the Village People was released in 1978. George Lucas' "Star Wars" arrived in 1977.
Photo by JD Hancock
LOL
Laughing is therapeutic. Laurel & Hardy and Abbott & Costello movies helped cancer patients. I like to smile anyway.
HAP & Carolyn at 50th celebration
Part 10
Mantra
Sunset; Insert- Sunset: Lake Webb in Weld, Maine, with Tumbledown Mountain center-right. Photo by Laurie Barker.
AFRAID?
Who knows what's next? So why fear it?
Why not look forward to the new experience?
Or just accept it.
Munch's Scream with Homer: Original of "The Scream" was painted in 1893 by Norwegian Edvard Munch. Homer Simpson is shown in this parody of the classic, with Matt Groening the creator of the comic characters in that well-known series of cartoons and TV shows and movies.
Photo by sharing user info with oath is wrong
RELIGION
So, what IS the meaning of life?
Ohm, my God.
Fork in path at Swarthmore: From Scott Library up to the Rose Garden and Trotter Hall. Photo by RVT.
TIME SQUARED
"Life is short" - friend Paul Utgoff, 2007.
Debatable: Is time relative?. Contrived by humans, time controls society.
Total eclipse of the Sun: Time lapse through dense filters of the entire duration of the event. The ring of fire can be seen on the exposure in the center.
Photo by Bernd Thaller
And, apparently, time is connected to gravity near black holes! As you get older, does time speed up? Or slow down?
Galaxy imploding
Photo by European Southern Observatory
LET IT GO
A fundamental principle from ALANON.
Letting go of things and issues should be easy.
I'm trying...
Trapeze
Photo by Wolfyy
A GOOD CRY
I haven't had one yet.
Easter Island statues: Among the 887 "moai" sculpted by the Rapa Nui on this remote Pacific Island during the years 1250-1500 A.D. The average Moai is 4 meters tall and weighs 14 tons, or the equivalent of three large SUVs.
Photo by Arian Zwegers
CANCER FOR ALL
Everyone has some cancer growing somewhere in their bodies (even if they aren't aware of it).
Most people outlast it. You are not alone.
Many hands up
BE
Be yourself.
Live each day as you would (have)...
and as you should.
HAP
1/2 DAY AT A TIME
I rarely have a full 'good day'. I get either a good morning or a good afternoon. I take 1/2 day at a time.
Dandelion
LAH
A Malaysian colloquialism for the laid-back way of taking life as it comes and goes.
HAP & Carolyn
TAKING CARE OF CANCER: My Experience (so far)
by Howard A. Peelle, with images selected by Roy Van til
End of presentation...so far!
Epilogue: Obituary of Howard Arthur Peelle
Photo by NASA Goddard Photo and Video
