Grief

Through the timeline

0-3 Months

• Attachement through the senses
• grief through:
• Hard to sooth, fussy, physical reactions
• flu like symptums some times

Did you miss the baby out fo the car window?

6 Months

• starts to show "classic" greif sings
• rage or withdraw
• changes cause tremendous disorientation/toxic stress
• dose not allow for experience of comfrot or pleasure.

2-3 Years Old

• building on previsous stages
• can start to into positivity around the language of "being adopted" or "fostered"

Pre-School

• starts "magical thinking"- what could be?- "I will grow up to look like mom or dad..."
• also, very concrete thinkers
• demands honesty, truth and intentionaliy in talking about their adoption/foster jounrey

Early School

• starting to have to repsond to others percetions about adoption or fostering
• give words to confront some of the negative presptions of adoption/foster care

7-10

• Starts to compare self/family to others
• Becomes more curious about past wants the facts of their story
• "Fantasies flourish where facts flounder."

7-10

• processing not like adults yet
• newly places youth might not have the time or energy to process loss
• primary attachment figure + addressing trauma= Space to grieve
• Physical/emotional resources are drined- may not be successful learners or even grow physcaly

Pre-Teen

• Loss of magical thinking
• Fuller undersnaind of adoption identity
• More aware of themsleves physicaly
• Influenced more by peers and firends

Pre-Teen

• Not unusual to be "idealistic, judgemental …centered on issues of fairness."
• loss comes up as they process and understand that they have 2 sets of "real" parents in adoptive settings.

Adolescence

• Two key developmental aspects:
• Separation/ individualization
• Identity formation

Adolescence

• tntering ore adult emotions/processes
• feelings are more intense might feel overwhelmed and might look to dull them.
• Greid work complicates both key developmental aspects

My Talk with Jennie

She gave us a better way to talk about grief and trauma.

The Box and Ball

Untitled Slide

Box and Ball

• greif and trauma are synonyms- processed the same
• space and safety (their space, not ours)
• greif and trauma that comes up in Pree-teen/Teen years are compounded by "idealized high school experience."

Hard work for Caregivers

• Parental compassion fatigue:
• Increase capacity
• Decrease commitment

Increase Capacity

• gain some info
• lower expectations (tv is ok)
• get better perspective

Decrease commitment

• say "no" to say "yes"
• respit
• tag team/co-parent
• get coucneling as a caregiver

Don't put a polar bear in a desert!