Welcome to the Messy Middle

Who is this for?

• Women in transition - divorce, empty nest, retirement or career change.
• Women blindsided by menopause.
• Women struggling with the anxiety, fear & identity loss common to the midlife dip.

Inside I'll show you

• What the midlife dip is & why you're not 45 and crazy.
• How to manage the anxiety, fear & uncertainty common to major midlife transitions.
• Why midlife can be a profoundly spiritual time - and how to leverage it for growth and contentment.

Inside I'll show you

• Symptoms and strategies for menopause - even if you don't think you're in it.
• How to create freedom, impact & abundance in your second half.
• And how your grandmother can help.

My promise to you

But First...

• Are you frozen with anxiety or fear and keep wondering "what is wrong with me?"
• Are you terrified of retirement or the kids leaving because you don't know who you are without them?
• Are you trapped in negative thought loops, & feel like you're losing your mind?
• Does life feel flat and pointless?

Furthermore

• Are you at a total loss about what to do next with your life?
• Do you feel trapped and miserable?
• Are you unhappy but can't pinpoint exactly why?
• Do you suspect there's more to life but you don't know how to access it?

Do you secretly worry

The real problem is

But once you know...

• You'll recognize the midlife dip as an opportunity for huge spiritual growth.
• You'll craft a vibrant second act plan and start actually doing it.
• You'll start beating anxiety, fear & depression, by changing your heart, mind & mouth.

Once you know...

• You'll clear the emotional & physical clutter that holds you back.
• You'll become more satisfied, confident & purposeful.
• You'll experience the freedom & abundance of authentic, intentional living.

I'm Erin.

Hack One

What is the Midlife Dip?

• Our culture ignores, dismisses or makes fun of it.
• It's common for men and women to experience a slump between ages 45-50.
• It's a misunderstood phase of human development.
• Carl Jung said there is a distinct morning and afternoon of life. In between them is a pause, dip, break, or breakdown. Up to us how we use it.

What is the Midlife Dip?

• What if it is a signal that we are on a quest for our new identity. Our life's second act. Up to us how we use it.
• Because its value is misunderstood, it's treated like a disease whose remedy is usually pharmaceutical or commercial.

Other Causes

• Change in role: Empty nest. Retirement. Divorce. Career Change. Sandwiching.
• Or it may be due to a decrease in estrogen, which can begin between 5-10 years before menopause.
• I'm stuck, what do I do next? Do I really want to live the second half of my life like the first?

Oh and Menopause...

• Decrease in estrogen, which can begin between 5-10 years before menopause.
• 27 million US women - 20% of the US workforce - experience menopause each year.Symptoms include hot flashes, insomnia, headaches, loss of energy, anxiety attacks, brain fog, joint pain, dry skin & eyes.
• Symptoms include hot flashes, insomnia, headaches, loss of energy, anxiety attacks, brain fog, joint pain, dry skin & eyes.Few women admit suffering these symptoms at work due to sexist and ageist implications.
• So there are the jokes.

 Funny or Sexist?

 27 million women every year?

 Maybe best to keep quiet about it.

What was the dip like for me?

• Perimenopausal symptoms.
• Anxiety. Panic. Fear. Irritability.
• Negative thought spirals.
• Hopelessness.
• Comparison with others.
• Mystified and worried spouse.
• Unexplainable sadness. Listlessness.
• General bewilderment. WTF.

If you go to the doctor...

• You will likely get mood-altering meds for GAD or depression.
• 23% of American women 40-59 are on antidepressants.
• I'm not against meds, but are they treating the symptom or the cause? Do they work? What's the exit strategy?
• And shouldn't I pay attention to the signal that my soul and body are wrestling with something.

The midlife conversation..

• Focuses on the male mid-life crisis - Sports cars, mistresses etc.
• Or on the physical symptoms of menopause. How to "treat" it.
• But it's not a disease. The emotional and spiritual implications of midlife present huge growth opportunities.
• The pain of midlife drives us toward growth, meaning and purpose, it's incredibly valuable.

What are my options?

Hack Two

Honor your first act

• It's scary to admit the first act is ending when the second is still a mystery.
• So be graceful and patient with yourself. Accept uncertainty.
• Difference between agency and control.

Pause and Consider

• Consider your first act roles what were the strengths you brought to them?
• What dreams have been on hold?
• What strengths could you import from act one into act two?
• If time and money were not an object what would you do?
• What is your service to the world?

You have agency.

• Was that hard? Meet your preferred self
• What's she doing here?
• Addressing emotional trauma as a means of integration.
• Trauma is rooted in disconnection.

Who defines you?

• Who defined the identity you have now?
• Who is the best person to define you?
• Listen to your feelings, but don't let them tell you who you are because they lie.

Who are you really?

• How healthy is your spiritual life are you too busy for one?
• Midlife is emotionally, physically and mentally demanding.
• Developing a strong spiritual practice anchors you in the chaos.
• What's your morning routine?

Hack Three

The Four Rooms at Grandma's.

• Physical
• Mental
• Emotional
• Spiritual

Physical Room

• Grandma moved her body all the time.
• Working. Cleaning. Feeding. Gardening.
• No idle hands or idle body.
• Sitting is the new smoking.
• Common to have shame or failure stories lurking in this room.
• Time to start honoring your body by moving it - Remedy for anxiety and depression.

Physical Room

• Clutter steals time, money & agency.
• The average American home has nearly tripled in size in the past 50 years. 10% Americans rent offsite storage.
• $1.2 trillion annually on nonessential goods—$4200+ in credit card debt. .
• Over the course of our lifetime, we will spend a total of 3,680 hours or 153 days searching for misplaced items.

Emotional Room

• iPhone is an ironic emblem of global disconnection.
• "Busy" is a bad answer to "how are you?"
• Grandma had the original social network - people in the neighborhood, church family.
• That network lowered collective anxiety.

Emotional Room

• Eating with other humans was good. Table was a unifier. Rest and community.
• 1/2 of all meals in America eaten alone. 1/5 meals are eaten in the car.
• 1974 nearly 1/2 of American population had socialized with neighbors in the past month. 2008 less than 1/3.
• 1/4 of American adults don't have a close friend to confide in.

Spiritual Room.

• She was not particularly post-modern and didn't belief truth was relative.
• She trusted in something time-worn not just herself or her culture's zeitgeist.
• Sense of duty to others and she served them - usually through church.
• Theology of suffering. Didn't believe she was entitled to perfect happiness or that suffering was abberrant.

Mental Room.

• She was disciplined.
• She knew her purpose and got on with it.
• She had fewer options than we do, which is sometimes a blessing.
• She'd meet you on the porch with a shotgun if necessary. She'd been tested and built courage.