My essential question is, "Why can motherly love be damaging?" This question arose when I was reading the book, "Beloved" by Toni Morrison. The main character, Sethe, has gone through a lot of hardships while dealing with her children. Most of Sethe's children have either ran away, been sold, or have died. She has struggled to be a good mother when she only has one child left, who also struggles to trust her. Maternal love has its downfalls, which can lead to the lost of relationships and trust from the child.

In Deborah Tannen's book, "You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation", it is expressed that the a mothers' love for her children "can be overwhelming, matched only by the hurt they feel when their attempts to or just stay connected are [altered] as criticism or devilish interference." (10) Tannen states that motherly love is challenging and overwhelming when children do not want to build a desired relationship with them. This can cause pain and sadness towards the mother. Tannen interviewed an elderly woman and the woman expressed that when her child started to get older, "things start to hurt, and on top of that, there are all these complications with [her] daughter. It's a big disappointment." (10) As children get older, the normal conversations between them and their mother start to change. They start to go through changes in their life, and mothers always want to know what is going on. Children may not want to share what is happening because they do not know what is going on either. Hiding secrets from mothers damages the mother's emotional state, and they feel like the trust that was once there is gone.

In "Beloved" by Toni Morrison, Sethe's maternal love for her children has been severely damaged. Denver, her only child left, does not trust her. She is a lonely child who isolates herself from Sethe because she feels like she does not know her mother. Denver even told her mother that she was going to leave because "nobody speaks to us. Nobody comes by. Boys don't like me. Girls don't either." (26) She feels like an outcast, and she feels like it is her mother's fault. Denver's distrust damages Sethe's love for her children because she feels like none of them trusted her. Sethe will do anything for her children, but it hurts her the most knowing that her they could care less because her. Her children have no respect for her or trust her. As Deborah Tannen stated in her book, motherhood is overwhelming when the child does not want to build a relationship with them, which describes Denver predicament with her mother. She does not want to be attached to her mother, and she does not want a relationship with her. Sethe's motherly love for Denver has emotionally scared her, and it will disable her from growing a relationship with her daughter.

To conclude, the overwhelming amount of motherly love mothers have for their children could damage the relationship they have with them. Children can be overwhelmed with the changes they are going through, and they may not want to express them with their mothers. This can hurt their relationships with their mothers. The distrust Denver has for her mother is hindering her relationship with Sethe. She has no idea that Denver does not trust her, which is adding to her deteriorating emotional state. Mothers are willing to go through a lot for their children, but the price they might have to pay for their sacrifices is their relationships with their children.