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Slide Notes
Hey guys! I'm so glad you're here!
My name is Steph Kishimoto and I'm so excited to share with you today.
This presentation is filled with gold nuggets that I am confident will help you in this amazing and yet challenging season of life.
So let's dive right in.
(Something here about realizing they probably have their hands full being a new parent, and to stay until the end to have the opportunity to ... Connect with me? )
[NEXT SLIDE]
My name is Steph Kishimoto and I'm so excited to share with you today.
This presentation is filled with gold nuggets that I am confident will help you in this amazing and yet challenging season of life.
So let's dive right in.
(Something here about realizing they probably have their hands full being a new parent, and to stay until the end to have the opportunity to ... Connect with me? )
[NEXT SLIDE]
Sleep Parenting
Published on Oct 17, 2018
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PRESENTATION OUTLINE
Sleep Parenting
5 Shifts to Restoring Sleep and Peace of Mind in your home
Hey guys! I'm so glad you're here!
My name is Steph Kishimoto and I'm so excited to share with you today.
This presentation is filled with gold nuggets that I am confident will help you in this amazing and yet challenging season of life.
So let's dive right in.
(Something here about realizing they probably have their hands full being a new parent, and to stay until the end to have the opportunity to ... Connect with me? )
[NEXT SLIDE]
My name is Steph Kishimoto and I'm so excited to share with you today.
This presentation is filled with gold nuggets that I am confident will help you in this amazing and yet challenging season of life.
So let's dive right in.
(Something here about realizing they probably have their hands full being a new parent, and to stay until the end to have the opportunity to ... Connect with me? )
[NEXT SLIDE]
Photo by Derek Thomson
Who this is for
- This webinar is for anyone who has a little one under the age of 5 years old.
- If you want to create healthy sleep habits for your children, now AND throughout their lives, this is for you.
If you are ready to drop the tired-parent cliche (don't like this!), stay with me for the duration of today's webinar because it will be the best 45 minutes you've spent as a parent gaining reassurance and optimism with regards to your child’s sleep.
So if you have a kiddo under the age of 5, and if you want to create healthy sleep habits for your children, now AND throughout their lives, this is gonna be for you.
(...and if you need help creating a more optimal sleep situation)
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buyers defense down, won't be selling anything, stay til the end...
So if you have a kiddo under the age of 5, and if you want to create healthy sleep habits for your children, now AND throughout their lives, this is gonna be for you.
(...and if you need help creating a more optimal sleep situation)
NEXT SLIDE
buyers defense down, won't be selling anything, stay til the end...
Photo by Jessica To'oto'o
In the next 45 Minutes...
- Shift your perspective on infant and toddler sleep, even if conventional wisdom has trained you to believe something already.
- Bust some of the biggest myths regarding infant sleep and realize how these are getting in the way of you reaching your goals
I hope you guys are nicely snuggled in somewhere with a coffee, cause in the next 45 minutes, if I don't stray off topic too much!, (my goal is to?) we are going to shift your perspective on infant and toddler sleep, EVEN IF conventional wisdom has convinces you to believe something else already.
We are going to bust some of the biggest sleep myths and point out how these can be getting in the way of you reaching your goals.
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We are going to bust some of the biggest sleep myths and point out how these can be getting in the way of you reaching your goals.
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Photo by Lukas Blazek
In the next 45 Minutes...
- How to improve your child's sleep without having to resort to harsher Cry-It-Out methods or get stuck in the Wait-it-out camp.
- Show you how you can surround yourself with a support network of people who have the same baseline beliefs as you, without losing your pathway towards reaching your own unique goals and outcomes.
We are going to talk about how to improve your child's sleep without having to resort to harsher CIO methods or get stuck in the WIO camp (you know the "tough it out until they're older, this is what you asked for in becoming a parent" kind of mentality)
We're going to show you how you can surround yourself with a support network of people who have the same parenting beliefs as you, while still having their own specific goals.
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We're going to show you how you can surround yourself with a support network of people who have the same parenting beliefs as you, while still having their own specific goals.
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Photo by Lukas Blazek
In the next 45 Minutes...
- Give you direction and encouragement in knowing that you too can be that rested family.
And lastly, I'm going to show you that you too can become that rested family. (That family that has the great sleeper. The family that can hire a babysitter and take a few hours off for a date night.)
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Photo by Lukas Blazek
My promise to you
So guys, my promise to you today if you stick around is that I will show you...
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Photo by Gemma Stiles
You TOO can have peace of mind and sleep restored in your home without having to resort to sleep training methods like Cry-It-Out.
You are NOT an exception.
My promise to you if you stick around is that I will show you...
the 5 shifts you can make to restore sleep for both you AND your child, without having to resort to sleep training methods like CIO. Now, if you’re coming from a place of chronic sleep deprivation and sheer desperation, I know this might seem impossible right now, but all our clients are reaching their goals within only a couple of days or weeks and I am going to show you how they are getting there.
the 5 shifts you can make to restore sleep for both you AND your child, without having to resort to sleep training methods like CIO. Now, if you’re coming from a place of chronic sleep deprivation and sheer desperation, I know this might seem impossible right now, but all our clients are reaching their goals within only a couple of days or weeks and I am going to show you how they are getting there.
Photo by Gemma Stiles
clarifications
- This is not an anti-CIO webinar, but...
- You have other options
- If it ain't broke, no need to fix it!
(I think we can probably take this slide out...or maybe just combine this with "my promise to you"... basically detail what my intent is for this presentation.)
I just want to take two seconds to go over a couple of clarifications with you guys.
I am not here to shame or criticize any parent who feels that the best solution for them and THEIR child is a method that involves the least amount of parent intervention, or a non-responsive approach such as extinction or CIO. If that is what you are comfortable with and you feel will match your child’s age and temperament best, that is the option that is best suited for you. You do you.
But what I AM here to do is to let you know that the CIO method is not your ONLY option if you are in need of a change. I am here to show you that you can achieve the same results using a supportive and responsive approach. And this is especially important for those families who feel they are being held back because they believe the only way they can improve their child's sleep is by leaving them to CIO.
Lastly, I, in no way, want you to feel pressured to HAVE to make changes to your sleep routine. If things are working for you right now, regardless of your kiddo's age, how they’re falling asleep, what their schedule looks like...if it's WORKING?, that's AMAZING! No need to fix something if it's not broken. Please feel free to continue to listen in of course, and down the road, if you ever reach that place where you could use some guidance, you’ll have this to think back on and our info to reach out.
So. Before we get into the good stuff, let me just check in with you guys quickly to see where you're at. Does this sound like you?
I just want to take two seconds to go over a couple of clarifications with you guys.
I am not here to shame or criticize any parent who feels that the best solution for them and THEIR child is a method that involves the least amount of parent intervention, or a non-responsive approach such as extinction or CIO. If that is what you are comfortable with and you feel will match your child’s age and temperament best, that is the option that is best suited for you. You do you.
But what I AM here to do is to let you know that the CIO method is not your ONLY option if you are in need of a change. I am here to show you that you can achieve the same results using a supportive and responsive approach. And this is especially important for those families who feel they are being held back because they believe the only way they can improve their child's sleep is by leaving them to CIO.
Lastly, I, in no way, want you to feel pressured to HAVE to make changes to your sleep routine. If things are working for you right now, regardless of your kiddo's age, how they’re falling asleep, what their schedule looks like...if it's WORKING?, that's AMAZING! No need to fix something if it's not broken. Please feel free to continue to listen in of course, and down the road, if you ever reach that place where you could use some guidance, you’ll have this to think back on and our info to reach out.
So. Before we get into the good stuff, let me just check in with you guys quickly to see where you're at. Does this sound like you?
Photo by rawpixel
Does this sound like you?
- Can you go an entire day without having a single moment to yourself because you are constantly needed to help your child sleep?
- Do you go to bed every night EXHAUSTED, often feeling resentment towards your baby? or even towards your partner?
Can you go an entire day without having a single moment to yourself because you are constantly needed to help your child sleep?
Do you go to bed every night EXHAUSTED, often feeling resentment towards your baby? or even towards your partner? I know that was a BIG one for me.
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Do you go to bed every night EXHAUSTED, often feeling resentment towards your baby? or even towards your partner? I know that was a BIG one for me.
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Photo by Vladislav Muslakov
Does this sound like you?
- Do you sit back and listen to your friends brag about their great sleepers and secretly feel like you must somehow be failing as a parent because you can't get your child to sleep like theirs?
- Do you feel like you are drowning and you just can't catch your breath?
Do you sit back and listen to your friends brag about their great sleepers and secretly feel like you must somehow be failing as a parent because you can't get your child to sleep like theirs?
Do you feel like you are drowning and you just can't catch your breath?
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Do you feel like you are drowning and you just can't catch your breath?
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Photo by Vladislav Muslakov
Does this sound like you
- Does fear and the thought of leaving your child to cry prevent you from taking any steps towards helping them become more independent sleepers?
- Do you feel like no matter what you do, you are going to remain STUCK in this cycle, and you have no idea where to even BEGIN to address it all?
Photo by Vladislav Muslakov
The REAL Problem
You haven't made the "shifts" yet...
The real problem is that you haven't made what I call, the SHIFTS. And we're going to talk about what those are in just a second. But for right now, just know this: once you make them...
Photo by Daniel Páscoa
Once you make these 5 shifts...
- You'll start sleeping better at night.
- Bedtime will become a pleasurable, stress free moment of your day.
You'll start sleeping better at night because not only is your child sleeping longer stretches, but your anxiety levels will decrease knowing that you can count on these longer stretches of sleep. Regularly.
Bedtime will become a pleasurable, stress free moment of your day, rather than a source of frustration.
Bedtime will become a pleasurable, stress free moment of your day, rather than a source of frustration.
Photo by Daniel Páscoa
Once you make these 5 shifts...
- You'll regain hours of YOU time during the day.
- You'll have predictability in your life
You'll regain hours of YOU time during the day to rest, tidy up, get those baby photos printed out that you've been meaning to do for months!
You'll have predictability in your life and be able to start enjoying every moment when your child is awake instead of fearing the moment they wake after that short nap.
You'll have predictability in your life and be able to start enjoying every moment when your child is awake instead of fearing the moment they wake after that short nap.
Photo by Daniel Páscoa
Once you make these 5 shifts...
- You'll regain hours of time in the evening to devote to your partner and nurture THAT changing relationship.
- You will regain freedom and the ability to take a night off.
You'll regain hours of time in the evening to devote to your partner and nurture THAT changing relationship.
You will regain freedom and the ability to take a night off and go out with your friends, knowing someone else you trust is at home with your child and can easily get them to sleep WITHOUT NEEDING YOU.
You will regain freedom and the ability to take a night off and go out with your friends, knowing someone else you trust is at home with your child and can easily get them to sleep WITHOUT NEEDING YOU.
Photo by Daniel Páscoa
Once you make these 5 shifts...
- You're going to feel empowered and confident because you'll know what to do when your child is going through a rough patch
- You're going to have the energy to start being the parent YOU KNOW YOU CAN BE.
And most importantly,
You'll start to feel empowered and confident because you'll know what to do when your child goes through a rough patch.
You're going to have the energy to start being the parent YOU KNOW YOU CAN BE.
[CHECK IN]
How does this all sound to you guys?? Does this sound great!? Does this sound out of reach? Are any of you out there a bit skeptical that you can achieve all this within the next couple of weeks? Because I am here today to tell you without a doubt, that you can have all of these outcomes without compromising your values and beliefs.
Before we go too much farther, let me take 2 seconds here and introduce myself so that you know who I am and why I'm here talking to you guys.
You'll start to feel empowered and confident because you'll know what to do when your child goes through a rough patch.
You're going to have the energy to start being the parent YOU KNOW YOU CAN BE.
[CHECK IN]
How does this all sound to you guys?? Does this sound great!? Does this sound out of reach? Are any of you out there a bit skeptical that you can achieve all this within the next couple of weeks? Because I am here today to tell you without a doubt, that you can have all of these outcomes without compromising your values and beliefs.
Before we go too much farther, let me take 2 seconds here and introduce myself so that you know who I am and why I'm here talking to you guys.
Photo by Daniel Páscoa
Pleased to meet you
My name is Steph Kishimoto
My name is Steph Kishimoto and I've helped HUNDREDS of families restore sleep and peace of mind. I'm known for my gentle, responsive and developmentally supportive approach to working with sleep, and just this past year, I founded a new organization called Sleep Parenting. The Sleep Parenting philosophy includes promotion of a strong and secure attachment with your little one while using parenting strategies overnight, for sleep, no different than we would during the day when your child needs support. Sleep Parenting provides a holistic approach to sleep, a one-stop-shop if you will, with a team that includes sleep parenting experts, a postpartum support counsellor, and an IBCLC lactation consultant.
Who I AM
- Mother of two little girls
- Born and raised in Montreal. Now in the GTA
- McGill University 2003 B.Sc. Physical Therapy
- Pediatric Physiotherapist & Orthopedic Manual Therapis
I am the mother of two, wife of one, and was once in your shoes. My first born was a beautiful little girl. Happy, lovable, and SUPER alert. But, she would only sleep in my arms, latched onto my breast. If I put her in the crib when she fell asleep, I would get a 36-37 minute nap, MAX. If I held her in my arms, she would sleep for an hour and a half! She would wake approximately 8-10 times a night, which meant that by 7 months, the longest stretch of sleep I’d had MYSELF was one and a half hours. I couldn’t go out because she would not let my husband put her to sleep. I couldn’t leave the house for more than 3 or 4 hours at a time because again, I was needed to get her to sleep during the day as well. I quickly grew resentful of my husband for the flexibility he had in his life. I envied the people who could go out for dinner and relax with their friends. My self care became taking an hour to go to the grocery store so I could just get a little break. I was broken inside. I was SO sleep deprived, I had developed severe post partum anxiety. I felt like I was in this loop that kept replaying over and over every day, and I didn't know how to stop it. I couldn't make it stop. I had read every sleep book available which likely only served to increase my anxiety because nothing was working for us. And every time I tried something new, I was filled with self doubt. Being in such a FOG, I was unable to be objective and have any clarity over what was going on. Until I sought help.
Who I AM
- Creator and Founder of Sleep Parenting
- Sleep Parenting Coach and Educator
- Attachment Parenting Canada Professional Affiliate
- Member of the Association of Professional Sleep Consultant
- Gentle Sleep Coach Training 2015
- Infant Mental Heath Training 2015
My training includes programs from across North America including the Infant Mental Health training through SickKids Hospital in Toronto, Ontario, the Gentle Sleep Coach training in the US, and the Infant Sleep Educator training in Canada.
I have worked with hundreds of families now from all over the world.
I have worked with hundreds of families now from all over the world.
This is how I'm Going to help you
So, let me take a second and tell you how I discovered the 5 shifts. It took years of trial and error with my own children, as well as with hundreds of families that I've had the honour of helping over the years, to muddle through the different sleep training methods and conventional sleep packages offered by consultants. And what I noticed over time was that although every family I helped privately, through my Facebook Q&As, whom I consulted with, they were all able to reach their immediate sleep goals, but I had some families calling me back months, or even years later feeling like they were back to square one, and just as lost, while others only ever reached out with wonderful, positive updates and pictures. So what were those content families doing differently? Or what had I done differently while working with them. What had they gained out of working with me that the families who found themselves dealing with sleep "problems" down the road again hadn't?
I realized there were crucial shifts in mindset and approach that I was failing to convey to these families. I started incorporating these shifts into my practice and families starting feeling EMPOWERED. They started reaching not only their initial sleep goals, but continued to maintain that sense of control, even when obstacles got in the way of their child’s sleep.
So the bottom line is this...
[NEXT SLIDE]
I realized there were crucial shifts in mindset and approach that I was failing to convey to these families. I started incorporating these shifts into my practice and families starting feeling EMPOWERED. They started reaching not only their initial sleep goals, but continued to maintain that sense of control, even when obstacles got in the way of their child’s sleep.
So the bottom line is this...
[NEXT SLIDE]
Photo by Eva the Weaver
Discovering the shifts
There are 5 key shifts that you must make to reach lifelong change in your child's sleep while continuing to feel empowered as a parent. I'm going to walk you through all 5 of them in the next 30 minutes.
(time it)
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(time it)
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Photo by mightyboybrian
Shift Your mindset
The first and probably most important shift you can make TODAY is one that involves your mindset around sleep and your child. And you guys, if you learn nothing else today, I’ll be happy if you can make this shift.
I have found that we, as a society, have a misunderstanding around two big sleep concepts that are at the root of most of our sleep woes as parents.
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I have found that we, as a society, have a misunderstanding around two big sleep concepts that are at the root of most of our sleep woes as parents.
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Photo by harold.lloyd
Shift Your mindset
- Sleep is a developmental milestone
- There is no such thing as a “bad sleeper”
Most people don't realize that sleep is a developmental milestone, and that there is no such thing as a "bad sleeper".
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Photo by harold.lloyd
Sleep is a developmental milestone
- A child does not need to be “trained” to sleep
- A child DOES need to be given developmentally appropriate opportunities to try
Children do not need to be “trained” to sleep. Sleep is a developmental milestone. However, they DO need to be given opportunities to TRY to fall asleep independently. Developmentally appropriate opportunities. Let’s compare sleep to another skill that is widely accepted as being a developmental milestone: Walking.
Little Johnny is born and goes through a series of steps that eventually lead to walking. He starts by learning how to raise and control his head. He then gains enough upper arm strength to eventually push up onto his hands and knees. He then learns a contralateral arm / leg movement pattern that allows him to crawl. Eventually, he can sit up on his knees, grab the coffee table, and pull up to stand. Over time, Johnny becomes more steady in that standing position and starts using furniture to help him cruise around his surroundings. And then one fine day, Johnny summons up the courage to take that first unassisted step.
Little Johnny is born and goes through a series of steps that eventually lead to walking. He starts by learning how to raise and control his head. He then gains enough upper arm strength to eventually push up onto his hands and knees. He then learns a contralateral arm / leg movement pattern that allows him to crawl. Eventually, he can sit up on his knees, grab the coffee table, and pull up to stand. Over time, Johnny becomes more steady in that standing position and starts using furniture to help him cruise around his surroundings. And then one fine day, Johnny summons up the courage to take that first unassisted step.
Photo by harold.lloyd
Insufficient Opportunity
- Baby hates tummy time and parents avoid it altogether
- arent who baby wears the entire day
- Child who is kept in a bouncy chair or car seat all day
Let's look at a couple of examples where a baby might be getting insufficient opportunities to develop and reach expected gross motor milestones at an expected rate.
A baby who hatest tummy time and parents avoid it altogehter.
A parent who baby wears the ENTIRE day.
A child who is kept in a bouncy chair or car seat all day.
Absolutely, hold your baby. It's super important for them to be close to you, especially in that first year of life, but it's also JUST as important to allow them the opportunity to move their limbs around and experience freedom of movement, because this is what allows them to build onto each skill and go from lounging on their backs, to running and climbing stairs!
So that being said, a child who doesn't have as much floor time MAY take a bit longer to progress from one skill to the next.
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A baby who hatest tummy time and parents avoid it altogehter.
A parent who baby wears the ENTIRE day.
A child who is kept in a bouncy chair or car seat all day.
Absolutely, hold your baby. It's super important for them to be close to you, especially in that first year of life, but it's also JUST as important to allow them the opportunity to move their limbs around and experience freedom of movement, because this is what allows them to build onto each skill and go from lounging on their backs, to running and climbing stairs!
So that being said, a child who doesn't have as much floor time MAY take a bit longer to progress from one skill to the next.
[NEXT SLIDE]
Photo by harold.lloyd
INDEPENDENT SLEEP: Developmental NEEDS
- Neurological maturation of th pre-frontal cortex
- Self-regulation skills
- Secure attachment
- Consistency and routine
- Appropriate sleep hygiene / sleep science
- Supportive opportunities
So let’s relate this back to sleep now.
Although there is no step by step process for a child to become an independent sleeper, there are certain things that need to be in place for this milestone to be met.
Read out list +/- add explanation?
Although there is no step by step process for a child to become an independent sleeper, there are certain things that need to be in place for this milestone to be met.
Read out list +/- add explanation?
Photo by harold.lloyd
There is no such thing as a "bad sleeper"
- I have YET to meet a child who doesn’t end up being a good sleeper if given the chance.
I have yet to meet a child that doesn’t want to be a good sleeper IF given the chance. I want to pause here for a sec to let that soak in. I have YET to meet a child who doesn’t end up being a good sleeper if given the chance. Many families are very skeptical of this statement.
Every child wants to sleep well, WE just have to figure out what needs to be in place for this to happen.
Every child wants to sleep well, WE just have to figure out what needs to be in place for this to happen.
Photo by harold.lloyd
"When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower"
Here is one of my favourite quotes. When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower. Under no circumstance do we ever stop to think that there is something wrong with the flower. Either it’s getting too much sun, too little sun, being overwatered, the soil isn’t ideal, etc. There is nothing inherently “wrong” with the flower itself. I’d like to ask you guys to keep this quote in mind as we discuss our children and sleep.
Photo by harold.lloyd
Internal / External Factors
There is no such thing as a "bad Sleeper"
So let’s look at why I come across SO MANY families that call me up to say that THEIR child is the worst sleeper. We need to look at both internal and external factors that influence sleep. So right now, think of sleep as a SYMPTOM of one of these factors.
One of several underlying medical conditions that can influence sleep: such as asthma, eczema, reflux, obstructive sleep apnea, food intolerances, tongue or lip ties, not to mention any more serious conditions
Inappropriate Sleep science (meaning the child is overtired, getting insufficient daytime sleep, being put to bed too late at night)
Sub par sleep environment (Light, a room that is either too hot or too cold, stimulation when there should be as little as possible, or even an older child who might no longer be finding bedsharing, or room sharing an ideal setup.
Inconsistent Messages (Babies THRIVE on routine and predictability. If parents are giving mixed message - sometimes baby can come sleep in our bed, sometimes they can’t. Sometimes we’ll let them cry to sleep at bedtime and then cave and nurse or rock them, sometimes we’ll make them cry when they wake overnight and other times we’ll respond with a feed - then baby will not know what’s expected of them and this will show in terms of how quickly baby goes to sleep and how frequently they wake overnight.) Reword
Developmentally Inappropriate Sleep Expectations (So we talked about how not allowing our children the chance to try things for themselves can hinder their development, we need to further this by talking about age-appropriate expectation which we will go into in the next shift)
(SUMMARIZE SHIFT #1?)
So the most important thing to take away from shift 1 is that independent sleep is not a skill to be taught. It is a developmental milestone that will come with age. And that there are no BAD sleepers, that external and internal factors in our child's life can cause symtoms like poor sleep, but the child themself, is not a "bad sleeper"...
reword. (Jillian!!!)
SO let’s move on to the next Shift
One of several underlying medical conditions that can influence sleep: such as asthma, eczema, reflux, obstructive sleep apnea, food intolerances, tongue or lip ties, not to mention any more serious conditions
Inappropriate Sleep science (meaning the child is overtired, getting insufficient daytime sleep, being put to bed too late at night)
Sub par sleep environment (Light, a room that is either too hot or too cold, stimulation when there should be as little as possible, or even an older child who might no longer be finding bedsharing, or room sharing an ideal setup.
Inconsistent Messages (Babies THRIVE on routine and predictability. If parents are giving mixed message - sometimes baby can come sleep in our bed, sometimes they can’t. Sometimes we’ll let them cry to sleep at bedtime and then cave and nurse or rock them, sometimes we’ll make them cry when they wake overnight and other times we’ll respond with a feed - then baby will not know what’s expected of them and this will show in terms of how quickly baby goes to sleep and how frequently they wake overnight.) Reword
Developmentally Inappropriate Sleep Expectations (So we talked about how not allowing our children the chance to try things for themselves can hinder their development, we need to further this by talking about age-appropriate expectation which we will go into in the next shift)
(SUMMARIZE SHIFT #1?)
So the most important thing to take away from shift 1 is that independent sleep is not a skill to be taught. It is a developmental milestone that will come with age. And that there are no BAD sleepers, that external and internal factors in our child's life can cause symtoms like poor sleep, but the child themself, is not a "bad sleeper"...
reword. (Jillian!!!)
SO let’s move on to the next Shift
SHIFT YOUR EXPECTATIONS
The FOUR Hang Ups
Having realistic sleep expectations as you come into your new role as a parent can make your experiences much less frustrating and stressful. There are some very common misconceptions that parents typically have however, when it comes to infant and toddler sleep. Let’s take a look at the four most common ones, the first two having to do with age-appropriate expectations.
Photo by Chris Benson
Hang Up #1
I’m trying everything I can to get my child to sleep, but nothing is working
Newborns and younger babies NEED to be parented to sleep. Sleep centers in the brains of young babies have not yet matured enough to be able to fully self-regulate. In fact, this process begins at birth but doesn’t mature until the age of closer to 4 or 5 years old.
Frustration is very understandable if as a new parent, you are under the impression that your baby SHOULD be able to fall asleep on their own right from the start.
It isn’t until around the age of 6 months when our babies sleep centers begin to mature to the point where we see some predictability from day to day in their schedule, and some consistency from one child to another. Before this time, sleep patterns can vary significantly between children and even from day to day with the same child. One thing that remains constant however, is that MOST babies are note neurologically, emotionally, or cognitively ready to start falling asleep independently until they are closer to 6 months OR OLDER.
(Jillian - above 3 paragraphs can be more consice)
Parenting our children to sleep is not always what’s in their best interest as they grow older.
Children grow. They evolve. The way you parent will also have to grow alongside. When something isn’t working anymore, instead of fighting it and trying to push through, we need to listen to what our children are trying to tell us. That what worked in the past will not always be what works in the long term. We touched on this earlier in shift #1 when we listed the external factors that can create what we refer to as a “difficult sleeper”. In the case of a parent who is doing everything they can to try to help their child fall asleep (and remember, now we’re talking about older babies and toddlers), but NOTHING is working, is this parent in fact HELPING their child? Or getting in the way of their sleep?
Frustration is very understandable if as a new parent, you are under the impression that your baby SHOULD be able to fall asleep on their own right from the start.
It isn’t until around the age of 6 months when our babies sleep centers begin to mature to the point where we see some predictability from day to day in their schedule, and some consistency from one child to another. Before this time, sleep patterns can vary significantly between children and even from day to day with the same child. One thing that remains constant however, is that MOST babies are note neurologically, emotionally, or cognitively ready to start falling asleep independently until they are closer to 6 months OR OLDER.
(Jillian - above 3 paragraphs can be more consice)
Parenting our children to sleep is not always what’s in their best interest as they grow older.
Children grow. They evolve. The way you parent will also have to grow alongside. When something isn’t working anymore, instead of fighting it and trying to push through, we need to listen to what our children are trying to tell us. That what worked in the past will not always be what works in the long term. We touched on this earlier in shift #1 when we listed the external factors that can create what we refer to as a “difficult sleeper”. In the case of a parent who is doing everything they can to try to help their child fall asleep (and remember, now we’re talking about older babies and toddlers), but NOTHING is working, is this parent in fact HELPING their child? Or getting in the way of their sleep?
Photo by Chris Benson
Why is it so hard for us to let go!?
- Fear (of change, of crying, of “ruining our child”)
- Lack of Knowledge
- Social Pressure
One of the hardest parts about parenting is letting go. And why is this?
Parents describe a lot of concerns and struggles, but what is at the root of these is more often than not, fear.
Fear of loss, fear of ruining out children, fear of change, fear of crying.
It's really not unique to sleep, it's parenting in general!
It's difficult to process that your child may be at a point where they need you less, and overlooking these gradual changes can lead to missed opportunities to promote independence.
One of the things that contributes to this fear is a lack of knowledge.
We don't want to "do it wrong", so we tend to stagnate, or remain with the status quo, even if it isn't working.
Social pressure, we get from both sides. The "just let your child cry-it-out" and the "never let your child cry" advice can leave a new parent feeling confused and pressured to do one or the other, creating even more anxiety and stress around sleep.
[NEXT SLIDE]
Parents describe a lot of concerns and struggles, but what is at the root of these is more often than not, fear.
Fear of loss, fear of ruining out children, fear of change, fear of crying.
It's really not unique to sleep, it's parenting in general!
It's difficult to process that your child may be at a point where they need you less, and overlooking these gradual changes can lead to missed opportunities to promote independence.
One of the things that contributes to this fear is a lack of knowledge.
We don't want to "do it wrong", so we tend to stagnate, or remain with the status quo, even if it isn't working.
Social pressure, we get from both sides. The "just let your child cry-it-out" and the "never let your child cry" advice can leave a new parent feeling confused and pressured to do one or the other, creating even more anxiety and stress around sleep.
[NEXT SLIDE]
Photo by Chris Benson
Tara and Ava
Let me tell you about a client a worked with about a year ago - Tara and her 8 month old Ava.
■ Family who was trying EVERYTHING, and nothing was working. It was taking them 2 hours each night to get their Ava to sleep, and they were getting her 10 minute naps maybe once or twice throughout the day. But the one thing they’d failed to try was to give her a chance to fall asleep with less support.
Within a few short days of being by her side, but letting Ava fall asleep on her own in her crib, bedtime started taking less than 15 minutes, and Ava started taking epic 1-2 hour naps during the day! Tara had no idea what to do with her time. And dad, who had been VERY cynical at the beginning of our work together, admitted he was now a believer. They had believed they had the worst sleeper out there, and that I wouldn’t be able to help them out, when in fact their little girl wanted to sleep better all along.
■ Family who was trying EVERYTHING, and nothing was working. It was taking them 2 hours each night to get their Ava to sleep, and they were getting her 10 minute naps maybe once or twice throughout the day. But the one thing they’d failed to try was to give her a chance to fall asleep with less support.
Within a few short days of being by her side, but letting Ava fall asleep on her own in her crib, bedtime started taking less than 15 minutes, and Ava started taking epic 1-2 hour naps during the day! Tara had no idea what to do with her time. And dad, who had been VERY cynical at the beginning of our work together, admitted he was now a believer. They had believed they had the worst sleeper out there, and that I wouldn’t be able to help them out, when in fact their little girl wanted to sleep better all along.
Photo by Kaeru Sand
Hang Up #2
Crying Will "Damage" My Child
Ok, so hang up #3. The misconception that crying will damage my child.
All parents want the best for their children, and crying has obtained a bad reputation. But guess what: Crying if OK! Let’s talk about crying as a means of communication and an important opportunity for our children to be able to experience a less positive feeling and learn to cope or regulate themselves whilst in the presence of a supportive and responsive caregiver.
Harvard University’s Centre for the Developing child defines a positive or tolerable stress as “crying for a short durations while in the presence of a supportive caregiver. “ (find the actual quote!!)
The reality is, we cannot eliminate all stress in our child's life. But we CAN be there to help them learn to self-regulate and to help them build resilience.
We do this right from the start by comforting and supporting our babies in times of stress, co-regulating with them. This is the template they use to learn to self-regulate.
All parents want the best for their children, and crying has obtained a bad reputation. But guess what: Crying if OK! Let’s talk about crying as a means of communication and an important opportunity for our children to be able to experience a less positive feeling and learn to cope or regulate themselves whilst in the presence of a supportive and responsive caregiver.
Harvard University’s Centre for the Developing child defines a positive or tolerable stress as “crying for a short durations while in the presence of a supportive caregiver. “ (find the actual quote!!)
The reality is, we cannot eliminate all stress in our child's life. But we CAN be there to help them learn to self-regulate and to help them build resilience.
We do this right from the start by comforting and supporting our babies in times of stress, co-regulating with them. This is the template they use to learn to self-regulate.
Photo by Chris Benson
Hang Up #4
Everyone tells me my baby should be able to sleep through the night
**Jillian - This slide needs to be deleted - however, wanted to leave it here in case some of this info you can see amalgamating with the next one. **
Waking is NORMAL. We want our babies to wake overnight. This is biology’s built-in safety mechanism to ensure our children will let us know if they are hungry, too hot, too cold, in pain, etc.
Popular culture sets us up with unrealistic expectations of a 12 week old sleeping through the night because what? IT. SELLS.
Which parent doesn’t DREAM of sleeping 8-9 hours straight when the norm is 2-3!
But as a parent of a young baby, or toddler even, this is not a realistic expectation based on the biological needs of a small child.
What IS normal then?
When left to nightwean on their own, most babies will do so between 9-12 months of age. Now here I’m talking about a baby who does not have a dependent sleep association such as nursing, bottle, rocking, etc. bedsharing / breastfeeding dyads tend to go even longer with overnight feeds. But even then, when a child doesn’t physically require feeds overnight, waking is STILL NORMAL.
"STTN" is a sales term and is total BS to be honest. I don’t do it, you don’t, so why should we expect our little ones to?
If I fall asleep on my side, I occasionally wake up with a numb arm. I’m cognitively aware enough to realize what I’m feeling and how I can correct this (by changing positions). When I wake up and have to pee, I go! When I wake up because I’m having a hot flash, I kick off all my sheets and fall right back to sleep.
When your baby wakes because they’re uncomfortable in the position they’re sleeping in, they call out to you if they can’t get out of that position or solve the problem themselves.
When your baby wakes because of a dirty diaper, they aren't capable of just getting up and walking to the washroom - they need your help.
When your baby wakes because they are too hot, they can’t remove an article of clothing themselves or turn down the thermometer - they need your help.
We can meet our own needs but babies and young children still need our help thorughout the night.
These are all normal reasons our children might wake during the night and need our help. Can we fault them for this? No, right? So why do we expect them to be able to go 12 hours straight without calling out? It is an unrealistic expectation that sets us all up for failure.
This does not mean that you have to wake up over and over all night long and take hours getting your baby BACK to sleep.
So if STTN isn’t a realistic goal, what is?
Photo by Chris Benson
Hang Up #3
I'm not ready to wean my child or give up bedsharing
Myth Buster #5: Great sleep doesn’t have to come at the expense of lost snuggles
You do NOT have to wean your child to get better sleep.
You do NOT have to end a bedsharing relationship with your little one to get better sleep.
You do NOT have to move your child into their own room to get better sleep.
These are all some of the biggest misconception I see as a sleep educator and it truly makes me sad.
Independent sleep skills are not dependent on weaning overnight or ending bedsharing.
(This is where we can input info about weaning on their own from previous slide...)
Amalgamate HERE! ;)
You do NOT have to wean your child to get better sleep.
You do NOT have to end a bedsharing relationship with your little one to get better sleep.
You do NOT have to move your child into their own room to get better sleep.
These are all some of the biggest misconception I see as a sleep educator and it truly makes me sad.
Independent sleep skills are not dependent on weaning overnight or ending bedsharing.
(This is where we can input info about weaning on their own from previous slide...)
Amalgamate HERE! ;)
Photo by Chris Benson
Ashley and Audrey
Let me introduce you to my client Ashley and her little lady Audrey.
Ashley got in contact with me because she was feeling tethered to her daughter's every sleep need. She was EBF and bedsharing with her daughter, and holding her for all her naps. I could feel a sadness in her voice when we started discussing what her goals were and what changes she wanted to see. Ashley was seriously conflicted about needing more space, but she knew that it wasn't healthy for an adult to be in bed 14 hours a day. Ashley did not want to give up bedsharing with her daughter - she loved it. But she was feeling a strain in her relationship because with bedsharing came a 7pm bedtime for her and her daughter, which meant no time to devote to her husband. It meant no time to devote to HERSELF! She’d held off making changes because she did not want to lose the special time she had with her daughter overnight.
When Ashley found out she was able to continue bedsharing with her daughter AND improve both their sleep patterns, she was ecstatic.
Ultimately, I helped Ashley find a solution that met all of her need, and Audrey's, needs.
6 months later, Audrey takes beautiful naps in her crib during the day, and spends the first portion of the night in her crib. Ashley now has time to take bubble baths and watch movies with her husband! And for the second half of the night, Ashley and Audrey get to fill up on their snuggles as they bedshare into the morning hours.
Ashley got in contact with me because she was feeling tethered to her daughter's every sleep need. She was EBF and bedsharing with her daughter, and holding her for all her naps. I could feel a sadness in her voice when we started discussing what her goals were and what changes she wanted to see. Ashley was seriously conflicted about needing more space, but she knew that it wasn't healthy for an adult to be in bed 14 hours a day. Ashley did not want to give up bedsharing with her daughter - she loved it. But she was feeling a strain in her relationship because with bedsharing came a 7pm bedtime for her and her daughter, which meant no time to devote to her husband. It meant no time to devote to HERSELF! She’d held off making changes because she did not want to lose the special time she had with her daughter overnight.
When Ashley found out she was able to continue bedsharing with her daughter AND improve both their sleep patterns, she was ecstatic.
Ultimately, I helped Ashley find a solution that met all of her need, and Audrey's, needs.
6 months later, Audrey takes beautiful naps in her crib during the day, and spends the first portion of the night in her crib. Ashley now has time to take bubble baths and watch movies with her husband! And for the second half of the night, Ashley and Audrey get to fill up on their snuggles as they bedshare into the morning hours.
Photo by Katie Emslie
SHIFT YOUR Approach
Ditch the "method"
So, let's move on to the next Shift.
Shift your Approach.
When our children have strong dependent sleep associations requiring our help, how can we help them become more independent sleepers?
THIS is where most people will say “SLEEP TRAINING!”
And you’re not WRONG, but we at Sleep Parenting don’t like the term “sleep training”. We prefer to use the term PARENTING.
Some of you might say “Oh, it’s just semantics”, but I implore you to keep listening because it is SO MUCH more than terminology. And in this next Shift, I am going to share with you the most important concept of the Sleep Parenting approach.
Shift your Approach.
When our children have strong dependent sleep associations requiring our help, how can we help them become more independent sleepers?
THIS is where most people will say “SLEEP TRAINING!”
And you’re not WRONG, but we at Sleep Parenting don’t like the term “sleep training”. We prefer to use the term PARENTING.
Some of you might say “Oh, it’s just semantics”, but I implore you to keep listening because it is SO MUCH more than terminology. And in this next Shift, I am going to share with you the most important concept of the Sleep Parenting approach.
Photo by Dustin Lee
Parenting VS Training
One of my colleagues recently described parenting to me in a way that made so much sense:
Ashley's description here
So wearing our parenting hat, we can be attuned to our child's needs, respond when they signal the need for support and proximity, and trust that they will lead the way.
In contrast, a training cap will encourage us to follow sets of “rules” and methods, without accounting for the fact that our children are not robots and will all react differently. It will steer us away from trusting our instincts as parents while blindly following a series of pre-determined steps, originally created without your child in mind.
Ashley's description here
So wearing our parenting hat, we can be attuned to our child's needs, respond when they signal the need for support and proximity, and trust that they will lead the way.
In contrast, a training cap will encourage us to follow sets of “rules” and methods, without accounting for the fact that our children are not robots and will all react differently. It will steer us away from trusting our instincts as parents while blindly following a series of pre-determined steps, originally created without your child in mind.
Photo by Dustin Lee
So how did we get here??
So how did we get here? If our babies don’t in fact need to be TRAINED to sleep, When and where did Sleep Training mentality / culture start in our society?
If you can believe it, it started way back int he early 1900s. In a time when we didn’t have Google, but instead relied heavily upon the opinions and advice of a small group of professionals. In North America, those professionals happened to be physicians, pediatricians and psychologists, and most commonly, men.
If you can believe it, it started way back int he early 1900s. In a time when we didn’t have Google, but instead relied heavily upon the opinions and advice of a small group of professionals. In North America, those professionals happened to be physicians, pediatricians and psychologists, and most commonly, men.
Photo by milos milosevic
Untitled Slide
- Dr. Emmett Holt 1895
- Dr. John B Watson
- Dr. Benjamin Spock
- Dr. Ferber
- Dr. Weissbluth
Dr. Emmett Holt
Dr. Emmett Holt 1895. Took nursing notes and created the standard child rearing text The Care and Feeding of Children: A Catechism for the Use of Mothers and Children's Nurses (1894). This remained the pre-eminent guide until Psychological Care of Infant and Child (Watson 1928) and then Baby and Child Care (Spock 1946). Holt promoted the idea of regimented and disciplined parenting. His book included a schedule of activities (such as toilet training) to be learned at specific ages, and meals to at regular hours to "prevent disease". He advised that: "Babies under six months should never be played with: and the less of it at anytime the better for the infant. They are made nervous and irritable, sleep badly and suffer from indigestion."
Dr. John B Watson
Dr. John B Watson was a psychologist in the early 1900s who established the school of behaviourism. In 1928, he wrote a textbook called the Psychological Care of infant and Child. Watson believed that children should be treated as young adults, with respect but with relative emotional detachment, and his child rearing advice reflected this. I’m going to read you an exerpt from his book that I find incredibly interesting to hear, keeping in mind that until this time, most people still maintained “pre-historic” child rearing beliefs that included bedsharing, responding to your baby when they cried, being next to your child throughout the entire day.
In 1946, Dr. Benjamin Spock, an American pediatrician who wrote the book “Baby and Child Care”, was the first to stand up against contemporary norms in childcare by supporting flexibility instead of rigidity and encouraging parents to show affection for their children. Which was great, right? But, he was also likely the first person to provide a description of what we now call the “Cry-It-Out” approach when he proposed his “cure” for “chronic resistance to sleep in infancy”. The way to ensure that the infant doesn't “get away with such tyranny," he wrote, was to "say good night affectionately but firmly, walk out of the room, and don't go back."
Dr. Spock’s book was reported to be the second-best-selling book for 52 years, next to the Bible.
Dr. Ferber
Forty years later, in 1985, Dr. Ferber, a physician and the director of The Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders, at Children's Hospital Boston, described his concept of Ferberization in his bestseller “Solve your child’s sleep problem”.
Dr. Weissbluth
In 1999, Dr. Weisbluth, an American pediatrician and sleep disorders specialist at the Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago came out with his book: "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child" which promotes Extinction, or CIO in babies as young as 4 months old.
Dr. Emmett Holt 1895. Took nursing notes and created the standard child rearing text The Care and Feeding of Children: A Catechism for the Use of Mothers and Children's Nurses (1894). This remained the pre-eminent guide until Psychological Care of Infant and Child (Watson 1928) and then Baby and Child Care (Spock 1946). Holt promoted the idea of regimented and disciplined parenting. His book included a schedule of activities (such as toilet training) to be learned at specific ages, and meals to at regular hours to "prevent disease". He advised that: "Babies under six months should never be played with: and the less of it at anytime the better for the infant. They are made nervous and irritable, sleep badly and suffer from indigestion."
Dr. John B Watson
Dr. John B Watson was a psychologist in the early 1900s who established the school of behaviourism. In 1928, he wrote a textbook called the Psychological Care of infant and Child. Watson believed that children should be treated as young adults, with respect but with relative emotional detachment, and his child rearing advice reflected this. I’m going to read you an exerpt from his book that I find incredibly interesting to hear, keeping in mind that until this time, most people still maintained “pre-historic” child rearing beliefs that included bedsharing, responding to your baby when they cried, being next to your child throughout the entire day.
In 1946, Dr. Benjamin Spock, an American pediatrician who wrote the book “Baby and Child Care”, was the first to stand up against contemporary norms in childcare by supporting flexibility instead of rigidity and encouraging parents to show affection for their children. Which was great, right? But, he was also likely the first person to provide a description of what we now call the “Cry-It-Out” approach when he proposed his “cure” for “chronic resistance to sleep in infancy”. The way to ensure that the infant doesn't “get away with such tyranny," he wrote, was to "say good night affectionately but firmly, walk out of the room, and don't go back."
Dr. Spock’s book was reported to be the second-best-selling book for 52 years, next to the Bible.
Dr. Ferber
Forty years later, in 1985, Dr. Ferber, a physician and the director of The Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders, at Children's Hospital Boston, described his concept of Ferberization in his bestseller “Solve your child’s sleep problem”.
Dr. Weissbluth
In 1999, Dr. Weisbluth, an American pediatrician and sleep disorders specialist at the Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago came out with his book: "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child" which promotes Extinction, or CIO in babies as young as 4 months old.
Untitled Slide
Swinging Pendulum
(On this graphic, I want to take out "attachment parenting / Dr. Sears" and "prehistoric times" from the left side. Leaving "wait-it-out metality" only)
The Pendulum is swinging.
In our society today, there are many who have set up camp on both sides of the pendulum. However, extremes rarely work for the majority and can often lead to some unhealthy patterns. It is in the middle that we find something that is usually more realistic and doable, and tends to a more flexible frame of mind.
Even some of our experts from the previous slide went on to soften their approach.
Dr. Watson later on regretted pushing his behavioural approach to such as extent when he'd had so little experience with child rearing to base it on.
Dr. Ferber has since softened his approach as well and is much more encouraging to parents to follow their instincts.
Sleep Parenting lands somewhere in the middle, and takes into consideration our child's needs, our own needs and encourages parents to stop supressing their instincts.
The Pendulum is swinging.
In our society today, there are many who have set up camp on both sides of the pendulum. However, extremes rarely work for the majority and can often lead to some unhealthy patterns. It is in the middle that we find something that is usually more realistic and doable, and tends to a more flexible frame of mind.
Even some of our experts from the previous slide went on to soften their approach.
Dr. Watson later on regretted pushing his behavioural approach to such as extent when he'd had so little experience with child rearing to base it on.
Dr. Ferber has since softened his approach as well and is much more encouraging to parents to follow their instincts.
Sleep Parenting lands somewhere in the middle, and takes into consideration our child's needs, our own needs and encourages parents to stop supressing their instincts.
The OLD Way
VS
The NEW Way
So going back to what this shift is all about, Shifting our APPROACH, what does this mean when we break it down? Given the history of child-rearing advice, how has this directly affected how we deal with our children's sleep?
When did it become the norm to take off our parenting hats overnight and rely on step by step rules that govern how we parent each and every time our children need a bit more help overnight to get to sleep.
(Because don't be mistaken: If you "sleep train", you are not exempt from all the developmental leaps or, as you probably know them, sleep regressions, that affect your child's sleep.)
What is the OLD way?
And
What is the NEW way? The Sleep Parenting way.
When did it become the norm to take off our parenting hats overnight and rely on step by step rules that govern how we parent each and every time our children need a bit more help overnight to get to sleep.
(Because don't be mistaken: If you "sleep train", you are not exempt from all the developmental leaps or, as you probably know them, sleep regressions, that affect your child's sleep.)
What is the OLD way?
And
What is the NEW way? The Sleep Parenting way.
Photo by Dustin Lee
Untitled Slide
(Jillian: I need help organizing how to present this slide. Go over all of the old way bullets first and then talk about the new way? Or talk about comparible points at the same time?)
(Not even sure these points need any description or not...? Or some of them anyways)
ADD: "training" under "the old way"
ADD: "Parenting" under " the new way"
The goal of the old way was to increase independence in children. To have children fit into OUR lives.
BANDAID
The old way of looking at sleep, of "training", is a Bandaid fix. A temporary solution. The biggest sleep myth out there is that sleep will continue to improve linearly over a child's life. But like many other things, sleep has ebbs and flows, and will suffer just as our own sleep does as adults, when a child is going through a developmental leap, when they get sick, while travelling, when teething, etc.
A good sleeper, or a child who's been "sleep trained", is not exempt from the normal milestones of childhood that affect sleep. And what this means in the long run is that your bandaid solution may last you a couple of weeks, to a couple of months, before the next challenge occurs, when you are back to square one as your child genuinely needs more support from you to get through these sometimes difficult, but sometimes exciting periods.
ONE-DIMENSIONAL
The old way of dealing with sleep is very one-dimensional, using a behaviouralist approach, similar to Watson's, disreguarding the complexity of sleep and many factors that can influence it's quality. It addresses sleep in a "bubble" and does not take into account the entire family dynamic and environment. It does not address any underlying medical conditions your child might have. It doesn't address whether or not your child is getting enough daytime sleep, has appropriate wakeful windows, or all other details that can assure the sleep science is appropriate for someone your child's age.
RIGID APPROACH
The old way offers a series of "rules" and methods that come from books, or even from sleep consultants who've been trained to provide one or two options to families. (do I want to include sleep consultants?? Don't want to piss anyone off!)
But they do not account for your child's age, temperament, previous messages you've given about sleep, etc. Not to mention, they don't account for how your child responds in the moment! You should not have to pull out a book and refer to chapter 3, page 39 each time your child cries at bedtime or doesn't fall asleep within a certain amount of time. This is something you already know deep down, your parneting instincts, but somewhere along the way, have been taught to suppress.
ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL
A sleep training method is a one-size fits all approach, and let's face it, one size never fits all and in a couple of slides, we'll talk about this a little more.
The new way
RESPONSIVE
Adjusting your response at each moment.
EMPOWERING
Giving back the parent a feeling of control. Trusting their own intuition. Making them more confident parents.
FLEXIBLE, REALISTIC
Addresses sleep in the context of real life. Wednesday night is bingo night? Awesome, you learn to work around it. You are a new parent who NEEDS to be able to meet up with friends for coffee during the day, you should be able to and not be locked in your home 100% of the time to ensure your child is sleeping in and only in his crib.
ACCOUNTS FOR GROWTH & CHANGE
As babies get older, they have new needs. Separation anxiety peaks at around 9 and 18 months - These are difficult times for sleep. In between 9 and 18 months, children are relatively "easier".
(Question for Jillian - should I be pushing the term "Sleep Parenting" throughout the presentation??? Or just saying parenting. In the above paragraph for example. "Sleep Parenting allows for adjusting your routine, your response, your support, as children's needs change".)
ADDRESSES SLEEP IN MULTI-DIMENTIONAL CONTEXT
The new way takes into account a child's readiness and ability to self-regulate, the entire family dynamic including whether or not the baby is being breastfed or bottle fed, how mom's mental health is postpartum, how much support the family is getting.
ENCOURAGES PROBLEM SOLVING & FOLLOWING INTUITION
It's hard at first, but as with everything else parenting, sleep parenting takes a bit of time to get used to , but over time you begin to build confidence. Maybe it initially starts with trial and error, but eventually builds on your experience.
LIFELONG UNDERSTANDING
(Switch to the end)
Provides a continuum of parenting from day to night.
The new way creates a lifelong understanding by having parents take the time to educate and empower themselves with knowledge about realistic sleep expectations, expected developmental leaps, normal feeding needs for newborns and infants. It promotes learning to read their own child and figure out what their individual needs are, instead of trying to make them fit into a mold.
DIETING ANALOGY
My favourite analogy for comparing the practice of "sleep training" to sleep parenting is looking at weight loss. Using a "diet" is often unsuccessful becuase as soon as you are met with something that throws you off routine, a vacation, illness or a busy week at work for example, most people tend to not only go back to their previous lifestyle habits, but then put on even MORE weight. Those who have been the most successful at losing weight and KEEPING it off, are the ones who preach a lifestyle change. A fundamental change in how they view food and how they have been unconsciously trained to have certain beliefs.
A lot of untraining and unravelling comes before training your brain's neural pathways to change the dynamic and relationship one has with food.
Here too sits a lot of unlearning, reframing, and then learning. The benefit at the end of this journey, is LIFELONG UNDERSTANDING of your child's needs, and true faith in your abilities to parent. Because YOU ARE THE EXPERT.
(Not even sure these points need any description or not...? Or some of them anyways)
ADD: "training" under "the old way"
ADD: "Parenting" under " the new way"
The goal of the old way was to increase independence in children. To have children fit into OUR lives.
BANDAID
The old way of looking at sleep, of "training", is a Bandaid fix. A temporary solution. The biggest sleep myth out there is that sleep will continue to improve linearly over a child's life. But like many other things, sleep has ebbs and flows, and will suffer just as our own sleep does as adults, when a child is going through a developmental leap, when they get sick, while travelling, when teething, etc.
A good sleeper, or a child who's been "sleep trained", is not exempt from the normal milestones of childhood that affect sleep. And what this means in the long run is that your bandaid solution may last you a couple of weeks, to a couple of months, before the next challenge occurs, when you are back to square one as your child genuinely needs more support from you to get through these sometimes difficult, but sometimes exciting periods.
ONE-DIMENSIONAL
The old way of dealing with sleep is very one-dimensional, using a behaviouralist approach, similar to Watson's, disreguarding the complexity of sleep and many factors that can influence it's quality. It addresses sleep in a "bubble" and does not take into account the entire family dynamic and environment. It does not address any underlying medical conditions your child might have. It doesn't address whether or not your child is getting enough daytime sleep, has appropriate wakeful windows, or all other details that can assure the sleep science is appropriate for someone your child's age.
RIGID APPROACH
The old way offers a series of "rules" and methods that come from books, or even from sleep consultants who've been trained to provide one or two options to families. (do I want to include sleep consultants?? Don't want to piss anyone off!)
But they do not account for your child's age, temperament, previous messages you've given about sleep, etc. Not to mention, they don't account for how your child responds in the moment! You should not have to pull out a book and refer to chapter 3, page 39 each time your child cries at bedtime or doesn't fall asleep within a certain amount of time. This is something you already know deep down, your parneting instincts, but somewhere along the way, have been taught to suppress.
ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL
A sleep training method is a one-size fits all approach, and let's face it, one size never fits all and in a couple of slides, we'll talk about this a little more.
The new way
RESPONSIVE
Adjusting your response at each moment.
EMPOWERING
Giving back the parent a feeling of control. Trusting their own intuition. Making them more confident parents.
FLEXIBLE, REALISTIC
Addresses sleep in the context of real life. Wednesday night is bingo night? Awesome, you learn to work around it. You are a new parent who NEEDS to be able to meet up with friends for coffee during the day, you should be able to and not be locked in your home 100% of the time to ensure your child is sleeping in and only in his crib.
ACCOUNTS FOR GROWTH & CHANGE
As babies get older, they have new needs. Separation anxiety peaks at around 9 and 18 months - These are difficult times for sleep. In between 9 and 18 months, children are relatively "easier".
(Question for Jillian - should I be pushing the term "Sleep Parenting" throughout the presentation??? Or just saying parenting. In the above paragraph for example. "Sleep Parenting allows for adjusting your routine, your response, your support, as children's needs change".)
ADDRESSES SLEEP IN MULTI-DIMENTIONAL CONTEXT
The new way takes into account a child's readiness and ability to self-regulate, the entire family dynamic including whether or not the baby is being breastfed or bottle fed, how mom's mental health is postpartum, how much support the family is getting.
ENCOURAGES PROBLEM SOLVING & FOLLOWING INTUITION
It's hard at first, but as with everything else parenting, sleep parenting takes a bit of time to get used to , but over time you begin to build confidence. Maybe it initially starts with trial and error, but eventually builds on your experience.
LIFELONG UNDERSTANDING
(Switch to the end)
Provides a continuum of parenting from day to night.
The new way creates a lifelong understanding by having parents take the time to educate and empower themselves with knowledge about realistic sleep expectations, expected developmental leaps, normal feeding needs for newborns and infants. It promotes learning to read their own child and figure out what their individual needs are, instead of trying to make them fit into a mold.
DIETING ANALOGY
My favourite analogy for comparing the practice of "sleep training" to sleep parenting is looking at weight loss. Using a "diet" is often unsuccessful becuase as soon as you are met with something that throws you off routine, a vacation, illness or a busy week at work for example, most people tend to not only go back to their previous lifestyle habits, but then put on even MORE weight. Those who have been the most successful at losing weight and KEEPING it off, are the ones who preach a lifestyle change. A fundamental change in how they view food and how they have been unconsciously trained to have certain beliefs.
A lot of untraining and unravelling comes before training your brain's neural pathways to change the dynamic and relationship one has with food.
Here too sits a lot of unlearning, reframing, and then learning. The benefit at the end of this journey, is LIFELONG UNDERSTANDING of your child's needs, and true faith in your abilities to parent. Because YOU ARE THE EXPERT.
Charlie vs Tommy
(This whole slide can probable be removed... I left it for you to see Jillian, but I think it's unnecessary)
Obviously, we can draw some immediate conclusions if we were to compare a 6 month old to a 3 year old when working on improving sleep. But what about two different children who are the same age. TWINS even! Would you be surprised if I told you that even then, there are numerous factors to keep in mind?
Let's look at an example of two different children. Could be from two separate families, or even twins! EVERY CHILD IS UNIQUE!
Charlie is a 13 month old who falls asleep in his parents arms while they walk around the room for a couple of minutes. He sometimes stirs when they put him in his crib but rolls over and goes straight to sleep.
Tommy is a 13 month old who has always needed to be nursed to sleep, which can take upwards of 1-2 hours until his parents can lay him down in his crib without him waking.
Charlie is a healthy little boy has always fallen asleep in the car, in someone's arms, in a swing, wherever.
Tommy had severe reflux for the first 6 months of his life and was never happy unless he was being held. Nursing was the only thing that would calm him.
Charlie is happy scooting around on his bum. He's in no rush to start walking.
Tommy has been walking and climbing stairs since he was 10 months old.
If we were to choose ANY sleep training method. Just one. And use it with both boys. With no tweaking, no adjusting. Do you think the outcome will be the same for both boys?
Do you think Charlie might have a much easier time self-regulating and possibly require less support from his parents?
Do you think Tommy's parents might need to take things a bit slower to ensure his sensitive gag reflex wasn't triggered if he cried?
An easy going 13 month old who has yet to start walking versus a super alert 13 month old who has boundless energy?
(How to sum this up?)
Obviously, we can draw some immediate conclusions if we were to compare a 6 month old to a 3 year old when working on improving sleep. But what about two different children who are the same age. TWINS even! Would you be surprised if I told you that even then, there are numerous factors to keep in mind?
Let's look at an example of two different children. Could be from two separate families, or even twins! EVERY CHILD IS UNIQUE!
Charlie is a 13 month old who falls asleep in his parents arms while they walk around the room for a couple of minutes. He sometimes stirs when they put him in his crib but rolls over and goes straight to sleep.
Tommy is a 13 month old who has always needed to be nursed to sleep, which can take upwards of 1-2 hours until his parents can lay him down in his crib without him waking.
Charlie is a healthy little boy has always fallen asleep in the car, in someone's arms, in a swing, wherever.
Tommy had severe reflux for the first 6 months of his life and was never happy unless he was being held. Nursing was the only thing that would calm him.
Charlie is happy scooting around on his bum. He's in no rush to start walking.
Tommy has been walking and climbing stairs since he was 10 months old.
If we were to choose ANY sleep training method. Just one. And use it with both boys. With no tweaking, no adjusting. Do you think the outcome will be the same for both boys?
Do you think Charlie might have a much easier time self-regulating and possibly require less support from his parents?
Do you think Tommy's parents might need to take things a bit slower to ensure his sensitive gag reflex wasn't triggered if he cried?
An easy going 13 month old who has yet to start walking versus a super alert 13 month old who has boundless energy?
(How to sum this up?)
Photo by divinenephron
Build your village
An virtual one will do!
I have a couple of questions for you guys before we move into this new shift.
What are YOUR values as a parent? THink about it. What are our values.
...
Does your support network reflect these?
...
Do all the people in your life hold the same values as you?
...
Is it imperative that you personally KNOW the people in your support network before becoming a parent, or can you see the value in creating a new village once you begin your new life as a parent and discover what is important to you now.
(reword)
What are YOUR values as a parent? THink about it. What are our values.
...
Does your support network reflect these?
...
Do all the people in your life hold the same values as you?
...
Is it imperative that you personally KNOW the people in your support network before becoming a parent, or can you see the value in creating a new village once you begin your new life as a parent and discover what is important to you now.
(reword)
Photo by rawpixel
A virtual Village
A virtual village is the modern day village. Society doesn’t lend itself easily to close knit, in-person groups anymore. It's difficult with our busy lifestyles and distance from our closest friends and family.
Online brings us proximity when it would otherwise not be possible.
Online brings us proximity when it would otherwise not be possible.
Photo by rawpixel
BENEFITS OF HAVING
A VIRTUAL VILLAGE
Navigating through social media can be challenging - finding the right mommy group, with the right type of support is hard!
But with the support, and once you find YOUR vilalge, the benefits are incredible.
But with the support, and once you find YOUR vilalge, the benefits are incredible.
Photo by rawpixel
Benefits of having a virtual Village
- Normalizes your experiences
- Validates your feelings
- Grounds you and supports you
- Creates a safe place to ask questions and learn.
(We can reorder these of course!)
So what can having a virtual village do for you as a new parent?
It can normalize your experiences.
It can validate your feelings.
It can ground you and support you when you are going through a particularly challenging time.
It can create a safe place to aske questions and learn.
[NEXT SLIDE]
So what can having a virtual village do for you as a new parent?
It can normalize your experiences.
It can validate your feelings.
It can ground you and support you when you are going through a particularly challenging time.
It can create a safe place to aske questions and learn.
[NEXT SLIDE]
Photo by rawpixel
Benefits of having a Support Network
- Opportunity for on-judgemental feedback
- Sounding board for ideas
- Alleviating the effects of emotional distress
- Enhancing self-esteem as a parent
- Improving the ability to cope with stressful situations
It can provide you with an opportunity for non-judgemental feedback.
It can be a sounding board for ideas.
It can alleviate the effects of emotional distress.
It can enhance your self-esteem as a new parent.
And it can improve your ability to cope with stressful situations.
It can be a sounding board for ideas.
It can alleviate the effects of emotional distress.
It can enhance your self-esteem as a new parent.
And it can improve your ability to cope with stressful situations.
Photo by rawpixel
RISKS OF PARENTING WITHOUT A SUPPORT NETWORK
("support network" vs "virtual village" - do you have a preference?)
Lack of social support can lead to isolation and loneliness.
Studies have demonstrated that social isolation and loneliness are associated with a greater risk of poor mental health
But in our sleep deprived state, how easy is it to clear your mindset, do the research necessary to shift your expectations, build confidence in your parenting skills as everything that's coming towards you is completely NEW and unfamiliar, and at the same time, trying to navigate where you fit in in this parenting scheme - who your people are, and where to go to find them?
It's HARD!
And that brings me to our fifth shift. The one that ties this all together and allows each of these aspects to unfold seemlessly.
[NEXT SLIDE]
Lack of social support can lead to isolation and loneliness.
Studies have demonstrated that social isolation and loneliness are associated with a greater risk of poor mental health
But in our sleep deprived state, how easy is it to clear your mindset, do the research necessary to shift your expectations, build confidence in your parenting skills as everything that's coming towards you is completely NEW and unfamiliar, and at the same time, trying to navigate where you fit in in this parenting scheme - who your people are, and where to go to find them?
It's HARD!
And that brings me to our fifth shift. The one that ties this all together and allows each of these aspects to unfold seemlessly.
[NEXT SLIDE]
Photo by rawpixel
Invest in a coach
Don't go it alone
Our clients all agree that their decision to invest in a coach was the best decision they made as new parents.
As I mentioned in the last slide, a coach is going to be the one who brings all of these components together for you.
The education
The experience
The reassurance
The village
The support.
So let's dive deeper into the benefits of investing in a coach
[NEXT SLIDE]
As I mentioned in the last slide, a coach is going to be the one who brings all of these components together for you.
The education
The experience
The reassurance
The village
The support.
So let's dive deeper into the benefits of investing in a coach
[NEXT SLIDE]
Photo by Dane Deaner
Benefits of investing in a coach
- Get clear about your goals
- Identify blind spots
- Be Accountable
- Focus your efforts
- Efficiency (another word?)
Copy and pasted - need to reword:
A coach can help you get clear about your vision and goals. Your friends may be pulling you in one direction, while your pediatrician is giving you different advice based on other criteria. Your coach will help you determine what’s really important to you and help you stay focused on that. A coach can help create a safe environment in which you see yourself more clearly.
Coaches can help you identify blind spots - they can help you identify gaps between your current situation and where you'd like to be. They can help you figure out what you don’t know, and can clue you in to things you may not be able to see. A coach provides another set of eyes.
A coach can help keep you accountable. Coaches keep you on track and moving towards your goal by providing guidance, support and accountability. For many of us, having someone we answer to (don't like this wording...) motivates us.
A coach can also ask of you more intentional thought, action and behavior changes than you might ask yourself.
A coach can help us focus our efforts on the aspects of our child's sleep that need fixing rather than those that are probably best left as they are. This can save you much time and energy. A coach can also help you get from point A to point B much faster than you could on your own.
Photo by Dane Deaner
Benefits of investing in a coach
- Acquire Effective Problem-Solving Skill
- Feel Happier / be your cheerleader
- A coach can be a confidant
- Receive objective Feedbac
- Sounding Board
Copy and pasted - need to reword:
A coach can help you acquire more effective problem-solving skills by modelling these skills themselves. The skills that are valuable for parents. After some time working with a coach, you can start to adopt these more effective problem-solving skills that can build your confidence as a parent.
A coach can help you process life as a parent.
A coach can make you feel happier. By helping you identify and align your values, create a focus, cut through clutter, and say goodbye to living life in fear of change, they can help you improve your quality of life.
A coach can help you celebrate your successes and be a source of strength when you feel lost. Your coach can be a supportive and nurturing source of energy.
You can tell a coach things you wouldn't necessarily tell others, because they can present a non-biased point of view and have likely been trained to respond in an understanding and non-judgemental manner.
A coach can be a sounding board. Your coach can be another set of ears as you talk about your concerns and goals and a place to assist with brainstorming as you process new thoughts and behaviours in a safe place to experiment.
A coach can then provide you with objective feedback while having your best interest in mind.
Photo by Dane Deaner
Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their own performance. It is helping them to learn, rather than teaching them.
- Timothy Gallwey
Timothy Gallwey said it amazingly.
Coaching is unlocking a person's potential to maximize their own performance. It is helping them to learn, rather than teaching them.
Coaching is unlocking a person's potential to maximize their own performance. It is helping them to learn, rather than teaching them.
Photo by Dane Deaner
Today I promised...
- Shift your perspective on sleep
- Bust some of the biggest myths regarding infant sleep
- How to improve your child's sleep without having to resort to Cry-It-Out methods
So guys, today I promised I'd help you shift your perspective on sleep completely, I promised I'd bust some of the biggest sleep myths and show you that it was possible to meet your sleep goals without having to CIO...
(Did I do this enough?? I feel like maybe somewhere I need to address that CIO is the "old way" so people make that distinction?)
[NEXT SLIDE]
(Did I do this enough?? I feel like maybe somewhere I need to address that CIO is the "old way" so people make that distinction?)
[NEXT SLIDE]
Photo by Gemma Stiles
Today I promised...
- Teach you how to surround yourself with a support network of people who have the same baseline beliefs as you, without losing your pathway towards reaching your own unique goals and outcomes.
- Create peace of mind knowing YOU TOO can have a great sleeper
I promised to show you how to create a strong support network and lastly, I hope I succeeding in convincing you that each and every one of you CAN have that great sleeper within DAYS.
(Reword?
Take these slides out?)
[NEXT SLIDE]
(Reword?
Take these slides out?)
[NEXT SLIDE]
Photo by Gemma Stiles
What you need to Succeed
- Shift your Mindset
- Shift your Expectations
- Shift your Approach
- Build your Village
- Invest in a Coach
And all you have to do is be adaptable to these 5 shifts: Shifting your mindset, shifting your expectations, ditching all sleep training methods and returning to the core of parenting, building your village, and lastly, investing in a coach to guide you towards success.
So guys, let me just check in with you right now. Are you all still with me?
Because now you have a choice.
[NEXT SLIDE]
So guys, let me just check in with you right now. Are you all still with me?
Because now you have a choice.
[NEXT SLIDE]
Photo by Juan Cruz Mountford
Now you have a choice
You can either take the information I've given you and you can forget all about it, saying this won't work for you because x, y, or z. You can keep on struggling needlessly through sleepless nights and frustrating sleep regressions. You can keep on wishing you had a moment to yourself. You can continue to grow resentment over the fact that you are needed all the time, and have not one minute to yourself.
OR, you can decide right here and now, that you want to start gaining control and understanding over your child's sleep. That YOU are going to have the baby others moms call the "amazing sleeper". That you are ready to start sleeping solid chunks again.
[NEXT SLIDE]
OR, you can decide right here and now, that you want to start gaining control and understanding over your child's sleep. That YOU are going to have the baby others moms call the "amazing sleeper". That you are ready to start sleeping solid chunks again.
[NEXT SLIDE]
Photo by Burst
I've set some time aside in the next 48 hours to speak with you personally to see how YOU can start implementing these shifts TODAY
I've set aside some time in the next 48 hours to speak with you personally to see how you can start implementing these shifts TODAY. Whatever your biggest challenges are, I've seen it, probably a thousand times, and know how to overcome it.
Photo by Bence ▲ Boros
Biggest Challenges
Ultimate Sleep Goals
What's holding you back
We will get on the phone for about 45 minutes, ideally with your partner, or anyone else invlived in your child's care, and on this session, I'm going to help you get clear on 3 things. #1 Where your biggest challenges are with your little one and where the cause of this concern is originating from, #2 We'll throw away societal pressures and determine what your ultimate sleep goals really are and finally #3 We'll speak truthfully about what you think might be holding you back from achieving these goals.
Photo by Bence ▲ Boros
The Cost? Absolutely FREE
And the cost for this call...is absolutely FREE
BUT, here is the catch. This is not for everybody...
BUT, here is the catch. This is not for everybody...
Photo by Fabian Blank
Who this is for
- You must be READY and EXCITED to make changes
- You must be open to being coachable
- You must be eager to RECLAIM your parenting intuition.
NEED TO ADJUST THIS SLIDE
You must be READY and EXCITED to make changes to your family's sleep situation.
You must be open to being coachable and learning from a sleep parenting expert.
and you must be eager to reclaim your parenting intuition.
You must be READY and EXCITED to make changes to your family's sleep situation.
You must be open to being coachable and learning from a sleep parenting expert.
and you must be eager to reclaim your parenting intuition.
Photo by Bruno Nascimento
Why I'm doing this
I do this because I’ve been in your shoes. I know how hard it is to navigate this new job as a parent and sometimes all we even need is a little reassurance. I truly believe that the sleep-deprived parent cliche is long overdue for an upgrade and i KNOW that each and every one of you can reach your sleep goals given the opportunity! I love giving back and learning from my community which obstacles are keeping you from reaching those goals.
Plus, I realize that you may want to reach out for my help while going through this process. If so, we can discuss it and see if it's a good fit for both of us. If not, that's fine too.
Plus, I realize that you may want to reach out for my help while going through this process. If so, we can discuss it and see if it's a good fit for both of us. If not, that's fine too.
Photo by Galina N
www.meetme.so/sleepparenting
Spaces are VERY limited - sign up now!
So guys, here is the link to schedule a call with me. If you're on a desk top, you should be seing a button on the right. Just click on that. If you're on mobile, don't worry about writing down this address as you'll be automatically redirected once the webinar finishes.
What'll happen next when you visit that link is you'll be taken to my calendar page. You are going to see a bunch of appointment times. Grab whichever works best for you and your partner. It'll then take you to a short application form. Fill that out quickly and we will get on the call with you at the appointment time you've chosen and these 45 minutes will give you the most clarity you've had on your sleep situation so far, and will leave you with the most optimism you've likely felt in months...maybe even years, knowing whatever has been concerning you can change within days.
Guys, It's been great speaking with you today. So go to meetme.so/sleepparenting to book your call and I will speak
with you very soon.
Bye-Bye!
What'll happen next when you visit that link is you'll be taken to my calendar page. You are going to see a bunch of appointment times. Grab whichever works best for you and your partner. It'll then take you to a short application form. Fill that out quickly and we will get on the call with you at the appointment time you've chosen and these 45 minutes will give you the most clarity you've had on your sleep situation so far, and will leave you with the most optimism you've likely felt in months...maybe even years, knowing whatever has been concerning you can change within days.
Guys, It's been great speaking with you today. So go to meetme.so/sleepparenting to book your call and I will speak
with you very soon.
Bye-Bye!
Photo by Galina N
