Interpersonal Communication and the Self

Agenda

• Self-concept defined
• Why self-concept matters
• Formation of self-concept
• Impression management
• Self-fulfilling prophecies
• Self-disclosure

Self-Concept Defined

• Your self-concept is a relatively stable set of perceptions you hold of yourself. Your self-esteem is the part of the self-concept that involves evaluation of self-worth.

Self-Concept Defined

• Subjective: it can be based on obsolete or omitted information, distorted feedback, the myth of perfection, and social expectations
• Flexible
• Resists change through cognitive conservatism

Self-Concept Defined

• Self-concept can change when we receive feedback from someone we see as competent and it's personal, reasonable, and consistent.

Why Self-Concept Matters

• It influences personality
• It impacts communication behavior

Formation of Self-Concept

• Reflected appraisal, a mirror of the judgments of those around you

Formation of Self-Concept

• Social comparisons, evaluating ourselves to reference groups

Impression Management

• Impression management refers to communication strategies people use to influence how others view them.

Impression Management

• The perceived self (who you believe yourself to be in moments of honest self-examination) versus the presenting self (how we want to appear to others)

Impression Management

• Our "face" is our socially approved identity
• "Facework" refers to the verbal and nonverbal ways in which we act to maintain our presenting image

Impression Management

• Identity construction is multifaceted and both deliberate and unconscious
• The audience collaborates and creates its own characters

Write

• Circle 10 adjectives that describe your private self.
• Star 10 adjectives that describe your public self.
• They can overlap.

Discuss

• What are the differences and overlaps between your private and public selves?
• Who is your audience?
• What reference groups do you compare yourself to?

Self-fulfilling Prophecies

• Self-imposed prophecies occur when your own expectations influence your behavior

Self-fulfilling Prophecies

• One person's expectations can govern another's actions, as long as the expectations are communicated verbally or nonverbally

Self-Disclosure

• The self is the subject
• Intentional
• Directed at another person
• Honest
• Revealing
• Gains intimate nature from the context in which it is expressed

Self-Disclosure

• Privacy management describes the choices people make to reveal or conceal information about themselves.

Self-Disclosure

• Benefits include catharsis, self-clarification, self-validation, reciprocity, impression formation, relationship enhancement, and moral obligation

Self-Disclosure

• Risks include rejection, negative impression, loss of influence, loss of control over the information, and hurting another person

Self-Disclosure

• When contemplating self-disclosure, consider your relationship to the other person, the level of risk, and if it's appropriate, reciprocated, and constructive.

Professional Narrative Exercise

Professional Narrative Exercise

• What do you want to do in 5 years?
• What motivates you?
• How does your past experience play into your career choice?
• Did you encounter any challenges?

Managing Conflict

Managing Conflict

• Communication climate
• How climates develop
• Confirming, disagreeing, and disconfirming messages
• Defensiveness

Communication Climate

• Communication climate refers to the social tone of a relationship.
• Specific activities matter less than the way people feel about each other as they carry them out.

Spectrum of Messages

• Confirming
• Disagreeing
• Disconfirming

Confirming Messages

Confirming Messages

• Recognition is the most fundamental act of confirmation
• Acknowledgement of ideas and feelings is even stronger
• Endorsement means you agree with another person and is the highest form of valuing

Disagreeing Messages

Disagreeing Messages

• Argumentativeness is presenting and defending positions on issues while attacking positions of others
• Complaining is registering dissatisfaction without intent to argue
• Aggressiveness is attacking the self-concepts of other people to inflict pain or demean others

Disconfirming Messages

• Impervious response fails to acknowledge the other person's communication attempt
• Interrupting
• Irrelevant response involves unrelated comments
• Tangential response steers the conversation in a new direction (shift or drift)

Disconfirming Messages

• Impersonal response is a monologue of detached statements
• Ambiguous response contains messages with multiple meanings
• Incongruous response contains contradictory messages

Defensiveness

• Defensiveness involves protecting your face - physical traits, personality, attitudes, aptitudes - from attack.
• The face you are protecting changes over time.

Defensiveness

• We can become defensive toward facts
• What triggers defensiveness varies

Defensiveness

• Competent communicators protect others' face needs as well as their own.

Disconfirming Messages

Supportive Communication Climates

• Evaluation judges the other person, typically in a way that threatens face.
• Description offers thoughts, feelings, and wants without judging the listener.

Supportive Communication Climates

• "You're not making any sense!"
• "I don't understand the point you're trying to make."

Supportive Communication Climates

• Control imposes a solution on the receiver with little regard for that person's needs or wants.
• Problem orientation finds a solution that satisfies all parties' needs.

Supportive Communication Climates

• "Get off the phone."
• "I really need to talk. It's urgent. Can we talk?"

Supportive Communication Climates

• Strategy hides ulterior motives.
• Spontaneity means being honest (but not necessarily blunt).

Supportive Communication Climates

• "I heard Jack and Peter are going on vacation."
• "I want to go travel together more often."

Supportive Communication Climates

• Neutrality conveys a lack of concern for another.
• Empathy means accepting another's feelings and putting yourself in that person's place.

Supportive Communication Climates

• "That's great! Every career has its ups and downs. A promotion is a good first step."
• "How exciting that you're getting promoted!"

Supportive Communication Climates

• Superiority conveys patronizing messages.
• Equality means seeing people's worth, regardless of skills and talents.

Supportive Communication Climates

• "Trust me. When you get to be in my position someday, you'll understand."
• "How does this situation look to you? I have some ideas but I want to hear your thoughts."

Supportive Communication Climates

• Certainty means regarding your opinions with factual regard.
• Provisionalism means having strong opinions but with a willingness to learn and change.

Supportive Communication Climates

• "You can't get anywhere without a college degree. Grad school is basically mandatory now."
• "I think it's important to get a graduate degree. It was hard for me to get interview for jobs I wanted without one."

Supportive Communication Climate

• Invitational communication invites others to see your point of view and to freely share their own.
• The goal is not "winning" the conversation.

Supportive Communication Climate

• Empowering language uses words like "will, want to, going to, chose to, hope to."

Supportive Communication Climate

• Obligatory language uses words like "must, should, have, ought to, made me, can't."

Supportive Communication Climate

• Nondefensive responses to criticism include seeking more information or agreeing with the critic.

Supportive Communication Climate

• Ask for specific information
• Guess at the specifics
• Paraphrase the concern

Supportive Communication Climate

• Agree with the truth
• Agree in principle
• Agree with the critic's perception

Questions

• What elements of white supremacy culture resonate most with your group?
• How does dominant culture shape your conflict style?
• Are there contexts where you need to apply principles of white supremacy culture to "get things done?"
• How can we become more aware of white supremacy culture everyday?