MARK TWAIN

SOME OF HIS FUNNY QUOTES

• There is no distinctly native american criminal class except congress.
• Its easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.
• Fleas can be taught nearly anything that congress can.
• God created war so that americans would learn geography.
• A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting its shoes on.

Childhood

• Samuel Langhorne Clemens was born on November 30th 1835.
• He was born in Florida Missouri.
• Son of Jane and John clemens.
• He was the 6th of 7 siblings unfortunately only 3 of them survived.
• When he was four his family moved to Hannibal Missouri.

More of his childhood

• In 1847 while Twain was just 11 his father died of pneumonia.
• The year after his father died Twain became a printer apprentice.
• When Twain was 18 he left Hannibal to become a printer in New York City
• On a voyage down the Mississippi a steamboat pilot named Horace E. Bixpy inspired Twain to become a pilot himself.

MARRIAGE

• Twain was married to Olivia Langdon.
• Langdon declined his first marriage proposal however two months later they were engaged.
• In February of 1870 Twain and Langdon were married in Elmira, New York.
• Twain moved to Hartford Connecticut and in 1873 he arranged to have a house built.
• Twain and Langdon's marriage lasted 34 years until Olivia's death.

CHildren

• Had three children with Olivia
• Susy(1872-1896)
• Ciara(1874-1964)
• Jean(1880-1909)

His love for science

• Twain was fascinated with science and science inquiry.
• He developed a long and close friendship with Nikola Tesla.
• Twain patented three inventions.
• His book A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court featured a time traveler ewho introduced modern technology to england and later became a story plot for many books and movies.

Financial issues

• Twain made a great deal of money through his writings.
• Twain also lost a great deal of money through his investments.
• Twain spent $300,000 funding the paige typesetter machine which was made obsolete, before it was finished, by the linotype.
• Twains writing and lectures combined with the help of his friend Henry Huttleson helped him recover.

Public Speaking

• Twain was in high demand as a speaker anywhere.
• He performed solo humorous talks which would later become stand up comedy.
• In the late 1890's he spoke to the savage club in London and was elected an honorary member.

Later life

• Twain went through a deep depression beginning in 1897 when his daughter Susy died of meningitis.
• Olivia's death in 1904 and Jeans in 1909 deepened his depression.
• In 1909 twain quoted"I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together."
• In 1906 Twain formed the Angel fish and Aquarium club.

Death

• Twain died on April 21,1910
• He died in Redding Connecticut
• His prediction was correct he died on the comet's closest approach to earth.
• Upon hearing of twains death president Taft said,"Mark Twain gave pleasure – real intellectual enjoyment – to millions, and his works will continue to give such pleasure to millions yet to come ... His humor was American, but he was nearly as much appreciated by Englishmen and people of other countries as by his own countrymen. He has made an enduring part of American literature."

Some more quotes

• "A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella, but wants it back the minute it starts to rain"
• "A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval"
• "Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
• "Be careful about reading health books, you may die of a misprint"
• "Clothing makes the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society"

Yet another page of quotes

• "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first"
• "Facts are stubborn things, statistics are more pliable"
• "Fiction is obliged to possibilities. Truth isn't"
• "Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please"
• "Honesty is the best policy-- when there is money in it.

The last page of quotes

• "I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position"
• "I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way"
• "I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see i have friends in both places"
• "I have never taken any exercise except sleep and rest"
• "I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it ceased to be one"

Facts

• The clemens family had 19 cats at one time during Twain's childhood.
• He was 5'8 1/2"
• Twain made headlines once in 1907 by walking to a public bathroom down the street in his blue bathrobe and slippers.
• He was a frail and sickly premature child.
• He tried out several names before Mark Twain including, including Rambler, W. Epaminondas Adrastus Blab, and Josh

More Facts

• He loved cats and wanted them around all the time.
• His middle name was Langhorne.
• He received a doctorate in letters from Oxford.
• Twain was very interested in parapsychology; he foresaw his brother Henry’s death in a vivid and detailed dream (which came to pass) and even predicted the timing of his own death with some accuracy.
• His youngest daughter died in 1909

Even More Facts

• Other names he almost chose were Sgt. Fathoms and Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass
• The name Mark Twain comes from a nautical term used by riverboat pilots on the Mississippi. Mark Twain indicated a water depth of 12 feet, the minimum for riverboats to navigate safely.
• He published a total of 30 books.
• As an adult twain always kept 2 cats around.
• He designed the bra strap.

Oh whats this!, more facts

• He invented and patented several thins including a scrapbooking technique.
• He crossed the atlantic 30 times.
• He lived in the Nevada Territory for 4 years before it was a state, but was never in that state.
• In addition to being a friend of U.S. Grant, he publishes the Personal Memoirs of U.S. Grant in 1885 and paid Mrs. Grant $475,000 in royalties.
• Notable friends include: Andrew Carnegie, Nicola Tesla, Rudyard Kipling, Carl Schurz.

Okay no more facts after this

• He served in the Confederate Army during the Civil War, but was an adamant supporter of abolition and emancipation.
• He suffered greatly from depression.
• He has no living direct descendants.
• Mark Twain was a big fan of the fountain pen, which at first was a total mess. It spread ink all over your paper as often as it worked right, and was the butt of many jokes.

I DECIDED I NEEDED MORE Quotes

• "I didn't attend the funeral but i sent a nice letter saying i approved of it"
• "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education"
• "I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened"
• "I all men knew what each said of the other, there would be not be more than four friends in the world.
• "If you tell the truth you don't have to lie.