If I asked 100 people the same question: “Do you think you are a leader?” 80 would say yes. That’s the problem: We all claim to be leaders. We claim to have all these leadership skills, but many of us can’t find one piece of tangible evidence to prove that we are “leaders.” Maybe it’s the fact that we’ve been told we are leaders by are parents, our teachers, our counselors and our family. Pretty much everyone who realized we had enough sense to get into a good school labeled us as leaders.

Leadership, as we all know, is not innate. It means that leadership is not something that we are born with. Leadership is something that is earned through self-study, training, hardships, and experience. And it is not an overnight incident, leadership is developed through a perpetual process that happens the day you decide that you want to be a leader, until the day that you die.

All great leaders should know three things: what is my purpose? Who am I? And How can I be happy doing my job as a leader? It’s the three “Ds” concept – discover your purpose, Define Yourself, and Develop your happiness.

Spiritual emptiness is a universal disease. I think inside at some point, we put our heads down on the pillow and we go, "There's got to be more to life than this." Get up in the morning, go to work, come home and watch TV, go to bed, get up in the morning, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed, go to parties on weekends. A lot of people say, "I'm living." No, you're not living -- that's just existing. Just existing.

And I think that the difference between what I call the survival level of living, the success level of living and the significant level of living is, do you figure out, what on Earth am I here for?

I meet a lot of people who are very smart, and say, "But why can't I figure out my problems?" And I meet a lot of people who are very successful, who say, "Why don't I feel more fulfilled? Why do I feel like a fake? Why do I feel like I've got to pretend that I'm more than I really am?" I think that comes down to this issue of meaning, of significance, of purpose. I think it comes down to this issue of: why am I here? What am I here for? Where am I going? These are not religious issues -- they're human issues.
But how to discover your purpose?

It's probably the world's simplest idea - golden circle – but it is something that helps leaders and organizations thrive above everything else. Every single organization or leader exists on the three levels of Why How and What.

Why? How? What? This little idea explains why some organizations and some leaders are able to inspire where others aren't. Let me define the terms really quickly. Every single person, every single organization on the planet knows what they do, 100 percent. Some know how they do it, whether you call it your differentiated value proposition or your proprietary process or your USP. But very, very few people or organizations know why they do what they do.

A lot people mistake the “WHY” for profits, or money. There’s technically nothing wrong or morally impaired with that idea. I just find it incredibly boring. Making profits should always be a result. It's always a result. By "why," I mean: What's your purpose? What's your cause? What's your belief? Why does your organization exist? Why do you get out of bed in the morning? And why should anyone care?

Because of this misconception of the WHY, the way we think, the way we act, the way we communicate is from the outside in. It's obvious. We go from the clearest thing to the fuzziest thing. That's how most marketing is done, that's how most sales is done and that's how most of us communicate interpersonally. We say what we do, we say how we're different or how we're better and we expect some sort of a behavior, a purchase, a vote, something like that. Here's our new law firm: We have the best lawyers with the biggest clients, we always perform for our clients who do business with us. Here's our new car: It gets great gas mileage, it has leather seats, buy our car. But it's uninspiring.

The inspired leaders and the inspired organizations -- regardless of their size, regardless of their industry -- all think, act and communicate from the inside out.

Let's check out an example

If I were to talk to other skincare companies about themselves. They will obviously start from the “What” – We make extraordinary skincare products. Our products have all of these wonderful ingredients and can create fast, visible results for our clients. And then they will move on the the “How” – we manufacture them using the most advanced technologies in the world, and we sell them to pharmacies and mass stores. And if I ask them, why do you do what you do – Because we feel like people need the features and functions of our products, and because we want to make profits for our shareholders. See anything wrong with that?

But here’s us, here’s how we operate. Both Dermalogica and Dermal Essentials. Our founder, Jane Wurwand, is extremely passionate about the role of women within Dermalogica and business in general. She always talks of empowering women to have their own business by providing them with the skill sets needed at her worldwide training schools. That’s why Dermalogica is so successful, that’s what makes us different.

I emphasize again that, for any organization, or leader, knowing the What and the How is shallow, and superficial. Knowing the Why, and finding the right WHY is what motivate behaviors, and communicate effectively with our audience, with our consumers, with our clients.

All organizations were started at some point by a person or small group of people. The WHY of the organization is the same as the founder’s WHY.

The challenge and opportunity all organizations face is to extract the WHY from the founder/leader and build it into the fabric of their cultures. This is the reason so many organizations don’t thrive the same way after their inspiring founder/leaders leave. The new CEO understands WHAT the company does, has ideas HOW to do it, but is rarely clear on WHY the company was founded and even more rarely makes decisions in pursuit of that cause. They no longer inspire. They just manage WHAT they do and HOW they do it. Their WHY goes fuzzy.

Starting with Why means reversing the way we usually do things. Most organizations only focus on WHAT they do and HOW they do it – tactics and strategies – and they aren’t even aware that this thing called the WHY exists. Focusing on only two pieces of a three piece puzzle leaves an organization, or a career, inherently out of balance. Being out of balance, only operating on two of the three pieces, shows up in different ways – increased stress, loss of passion, obsession with what your competition is doing, being forced to play the price game, trouble differentiating. These are all signs that the WHY is missing.

For leaders, they need another WHY, which is completely separate from the WHY of the organization. We need our own WHY to lead and inspire our subordinates. We don’t take prisoner, we cannot ask you to take the company’s WHY as your WHY. You can only understand and identify with what the company’s WHY is.

For a person, your WHY is formed when you are young. It is the sum total of who you are, how your parents raised you and the experiences you had. And it’s not just happy experiences – bad experiences can also help you find your WHY.

When you struggle to find your WHY, don’t worry. As I just said, your WHY comes from your own background and upbringing. For example, a CEO that grew up in the depression, grows up to become a miserable CEO. That’s not because he read in some management book the importance of being miserable – it’s because he grew up in the depression! The same is true for all of us. Our WHY is formed when we’re young. So if you want to rediscover your WHY, that’s where you have to look.

Don’t think about the work you’re doing now. You’re too close to it and you have too many opinions. Go back to all the jobs you’ve had, write a long list of them. Or write down the things you’ve done over the years. Circle all the ones that you loved. Not liked – that’s rational. I mean the ones you really loved. The ones you miss. The ones that you consider special. Then look to see what all those circled items have in common. Not the 5 things or the 10 things – the one common thread. That will give you a clue as to what your WHY is. The goal then becomes to only do things where that thing is present. If it’s there – you’ll love what you do. If it’s not, you may like it, but you won’t love it…even if you’re paid well.

And remember that losing your way on the journey is unfortunate, but losing your reason for that journey is a much more cruel fact.

And part of discovering your WHY and your purpose, you will need to discover who you are as a person and as a leader. All great leaders know exactly who they are and what they are all about. And it goes a little bit beyond just knowing the WHY.

Who are you? This is the question that many of us ask ourselves every now and then, and many of us usually struggle to find the answer. With so many people in the world, it’s become quite important for you to stand out among the rest and show people what you’re all about. This is what’s called personal branding, and it’s a way for people to distinguish themselves from others, even those who have the same set of talents and skills. Why should a business get your services? Why should a company hire you? What makes you so special? How do you measure yourself? How do you want people to see you? What is your personal brand? These are all questions that we need to constantly remind ourselves to answer, and to update.

The most crucial part of redefining yourself and your personal brand is that you don’t lose what you truly are about. But how can you change and be a different person without losing yourself? It may seem like a paradox, meaning that it may seem like a fundamentally flawed way of thinking. However, as leaders, you need to find ways to change yourselves to grow, but still keep the lessons that you learn along the way. Here’s how you’re going to do it.

Personal branding is how we market ourselves to others. It's a timeless concept. The two reasons why branding has always existed on a person level is that we always have to sell ourselves in various situations, from trying to impress our managers so that we can take on bigger projects, to convincing our friend to see a movie. Also, we're always being judged based on our impressions on other people. From the clothing you wear, to how you behave and interact with other people, to your body language, everything is tied to your overall brand. For anyone interested in having a successful career, whether you're a job seeker, consultant, student, employee or entrepreneur, your personal brand is everything. It's your reputation, the size and strength of your network, and what unique value you can contribute to a company or your clients.

Think of yourself as a product that you’re marketing to an audience – why should they buy you? Why should your boss buys you as a leader? Why should your subordinates buy you as a leader? Identify what you want to be known for, that is: "what people say about you when you're not around.”

Personal branding is a similar process to product branding and it is a combination of three factors. First of all is your purpose – the message that you want others to receive. We do the things that we do for a reason, and the purpose of our lives need to be clear so that others understand our brand better. Second factor is our strengths – our talents, skills and passion that allow us to fulfill our purpose. What do you do better than most other people? What is almost effortless for you? What do others always tell you that you’re great at? You need to be clear on what your expertise is and reflect this in your everyday actions. Your strengths increase personal brand’s visibility in a sea of other people in the workforce.

Finally, it is your characteristics and the values you provide to others that will help you formulate your brand. What do you stand for? When you need to make a tough decision, what are the principles you look to? Who are your role models and what values do you admire most in your role models?

Why are defining your values relevant to your personal brand? As leaders we are faced with lots of decisions, many that we need to make on the spot. The choices are rarely black and white. Clarity on our values allows us to navigate through our choices in a more decisive way, and importantly be at peace with the choices we make, regardless of the outcomes. As we define what our values are, they define who we are during moments of crisis. Our values guide us in both shaping our purpose and how we will accomplish it.

This may be a difficult job for most of us. Because as humans, once we move on with our lives, we forget the past. “Never look back” seems to be the motto of most business people because they do not want to regret anything. But as much as it pains us, we need to look at where we have been in our lives. All those dreams that we had, all those times that we failed or succeeded, all those relationships that you have built or broken – there’s a reason for all of that. These experiences of your journey are building blocks for your road to redefining who you are.

The trick is to completely be honest with yourself when you do this. Don’t leave out anything that could have been too painful to look at. We all have our strengths and defining experiences. Reflecting on them can show you insights into how you see yourself, and how others know you. Those insights can provide the fuel you need to increase your confidence, communicate your brand value in a more compelling manner, and reach greater success.

Looking back is just as important as looking forward. Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years? Where are you going with your life? Determine your goal as a leader. Fast-forward five years and paint a picture of what you are doing and what your business is like. What do you want to achieve by then?

And from the journey that you have been through, and the journey that you envision that you will go through, you collect all these data to go on to the next step – pick out the terms and adjective that you consider your brand to be: positive, realistic, planner, think-on-the-spot, cultured, creative, technology-savvy, ambitious, persistent, etc. Then, you’ll need to strategize an action plan of how to get there - make sure to define where exactly you want to focus your energies: Do research? take classes? talk to people? Go to events? Make new friends? Find mentors in the industry? What exactly are you going to do to get there?

Finally, please remember that you are the only one responsible for your success and your brand. You can blame the economy, blame the government, blame your suppliers or staff if your business isn't going as well as you had hoped. But, ultimately. this isn't going to get you anywhere. You need to create your own opportunities. Sometimes people says to me: "It's hard for me to succeed because I'm not like that. I'm not articulate, pretty, good at public speaking, gutsy, or any adjective that they will use as an excuse not to act. This drives me nuts. If you're "not like that", then either do what it takes to become "like that" or call on your strengths (not your weaknesses) to get you where you want to be. These days, your personal brand is more important than ever. Nurture it, build it and make it a priority. But before you do any of that, clarify what you stand for.

Have a brand and believe in it. Believe that you ARE analytical, that you ARE the best-dresser, that you ARE hard-working. That belief will show in the actions of your everyday life and help you communicate your brand clearer.

Let’s face it – brands, whether they’re personal or business ones, constantly need to adapt to the changing times to survive. Brands who remain stagnant, those who are unwilling or unable to budge from their current focus even as the rest of the world evolves, are the ones who gradually die out and lose their customers, because they are unable to adapt. People continually reinvent themselves as they take on new challenges, get new jobs, or find better pastures in other fields. There are times when the changes are small, while some also have to make major changes in their lives so they can fully embrace what’s about to. If products do not have longevity without innovation, then leaders don’t have longevity without redefinition of themselves either.

it’s not about abandoning your old brand, but making sure it adapts to what you picture it to be. Truly, it’s not like shedding off your skin for a new one; it’s simply about making sure that your personal brand is what you really want it to be. Honestly, it’s not really about rebranding, but evolving and transitioning to an image that better represents you and what you do. The previous experiences you have can actually enhance what you can offer in the future, so make sure to use that to your advantage.

What I would like to stress is that, you may have started with a personal brand that you soon realized doesn’t exactly fit the image you want to portray now. You’ve already exerted a lot of effort in this branding campaign, only to find out that it just doesn’t click. Maybe you want to change your focus, redefine your message, or you want to target a niche that’s more specific, but in the end, it’s still your story, your ideals, your values. As you grow, evolve and blossom, you find a better focus on what you really want to stand for.

Once you found your WHY, are able to redefine yourself, it is a fact that you can be happier every morning you wake up and go to work. But knowing your WHY, and your personal branding, will not guarantee you a constant level of happiness. Once you step into a leadership, people expect a lot from us.

People expect us to always be happy, and courageous, and inspiring, and motivated. And I know that sometimes it sucks at the top and it can get quite depressing. In fact, leaders are probably some of the loneliest people on the face of the earth. Leadership requires a person to live out on the frontier of action and priorities. Leaders can’t inspire a team, department or division to do anything until they are able to develop happiness for ourselves.

And people tend to believe that happiness is selfish, and that idea is heavily misguided. It's more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted. No one is careful of his feelings or tries to keep his spirits high. He seems self-sufficient; he becomes a cushion for others. And because happiness seems unforced, that person usually gets no credits. We all know that, we all feel that. And that is more of a reason why synthesizing happiness is so important to us all as leader. One good news for you is that synthesizing happiness is not as hard as we think.
There are many ways that happiness is developed and created. And the two most common ways to do so is through something that I called constructing smarter rules for happiness and “unpacking the suitcase”.

Sometimes when you're unhappy, it's because you've DECIDED to be unhappy. Maybe it wasn't a conscious decision; maybe it crept up on you while you weren't looking–but it was a decision nonetheless.  And that's good news, because you can decide instead to be happy. You just need to understand how and why you make the decisions.

These set of rules that I’m talking about is created by you and yourself. Many people have rules that make it very difficult for them to happy and very easy for them to be miserable. They yell at their employees on Monday. They’re frustrated on Tuesday. They’re angry and yell at their family on Wednesday. They yell at their employees again on Thursday. They’re discontent on Friday. By Saturday they’ll be beating themselves up. And on Sunday, they’ll be sleeping all day and be anti-social because they’re too tired from being disappointed and unhappy all week.

But the thing about constructing new rules for happiness is that, you can’t make it too hard for yourself. Don’t make such ridiculous rules like these:

I am happy when I score a one million dollar account. How often does that happen for a sales person? Even good ones in the banking industry, sales people land an account like that may once a year. So this person is setting himself up for misery for 364 days a year.

This second rule is just plain dumb. As white collar workers, we all know that most of the time, we spend our lives at the office, or at meetings, or at dinners with clients or at bars with colleagues. If the thought of wearing suits and business clothing makes you irritated and unhappy, you’re in the wrong industry. You might as well be a starving artist on the street. For me, I love white-collar attires, or I have learned to love it over the year. I love this lifestyle and I love wearing my suit. So for me, any business person who makes up this rule are the type who begs for unhappiness.

This third rule though seems reasonable, it is actually economically damaging. That longing for a shopping trip maybe once a month, actually creates unhappy. Sure it helps to go shopping and hear that credit card sound at the check out counter. However, all the days that you spend looking at your bank account balance, wishing for that the 30th will be tomorrow. But guess what, it will never be. This rule is very dependent upon your financial situation, which you cannot always control. Plus, you are truly setting yourself up for disaster because if you depend on this rule too much, you become very dissatisfied when you do not have enough disposable income.

The important thing that you need to remember when construct these rules are that – it needs to create opportunities for you to be happy constantly, everyday. What is important is that you need to notice your every day life, and all the little things that bring happiness to you, TAKE NOTES OF THEM. Your rules should not depend on anyone or anything.

These rules may not be universal, but they are applicable to pretty much anyone.

There’s something that I want to introduce you to called The Suitcase. How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a suitcase. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life... you start with the little things...You go bigger. I want you to stuff it all into that suitcase. Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, colleagues around the office... and then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. You get them into that suitcase, feel the weight of that suitcase yet?

Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromise. We all carry around an invisible suitcase that is filled with our lives and past experiences. The key to creating happiness isn’t about carrying around those things for an extended period of time, the key is to unload the suitcase one by one, piece by piece, day by day. We miss so many beautiful things around us worrying about the inevitable, cribbing over what’s done and mourning over all lost. I am not saying your loss doesn’t matter but what is important is to feel the pain, acknowledge it but not live it.