PRESENTATION OUTLINE
“Pfft! Why is there no one here on the streets when Cinco de Mayo just happened?” I said as in the 11:59 p.m. streets of Manhattan, New York. It's dark, no one is on the street from what I can see. It seems that this is a very lonely time for me, for the only things here are me and the lights that are surrounding me. I mean, where is everybody, did the plague get to everyone of something, that wouldn't be a surprise but come on, I can't see anyone of the street.
Hey, my name is Deadpool and i’m not what you would call a hero or a villain, some call me a lunatic, others a funny guy, heck even some even go as far as calling me a murderer, but I feel like i’m a combination of those words, maybe like a loco, fun, murderer who might murder you because you annoy him while he is taking a shower and telling you a joke all at the same time.
So anyway, I walk down the dark street and see this tall man in a black latex costume with a skinny little boy, I think he’s maybe ten, in a bright green, red, and yellow costume fighting a group of bad guys, but I think that the man is black is a pedophile trying to protect the little boy that might not be his but hey that’s just my thought. Anyway, when I see them finish off the group, I jump on the man’s back and I see him start struggling to take me off his back. "Hahahahahahahha!"
“So uh, what’s your name creep?” I ask as he struggles. Then he throws me off and says in the most stupidly deep voice, “I’m the hero that this city deserves, i’m Batman”, it sounded as if he had been swallowing testosterone pills since he was young but hey who am I to go judging his life, i’m not Judge Judy but come on, there is no way this guy has it worse than me. My mother died of cancer, my best friend shot my abusive father and I have regenerating powers while having skin cancer.
Well back to the story, as this “Batman” tosses me off his back I see my golden chimichanga go flying into the distance as it falls out of my pocket and onto the floor, splattering. I rush to my fallen companion and start tearing, “I was saving that for a very special occasion!” The very special chimichanga that I got from my best friend Spiderman as a present for helping him with a mob, the chimichanga I was going to eat, wasted. Tears rushed down my eyes as fast as they could for my fallen ally.
I turn to the monster that splattered my chimichanga and I see him walking away with the little kid, I pull out my smg’s and shoot ten bullets which hit the boy in the back and in the legs, killing him instantly. I yell, “I’ll take from you what you took from me and that’s a heart.” I see Batman turn around and just stare at the barrel of my gun as I blast his sidekick to pieces. So then i put my guns away and start walking my own way for the way that just went.
As I turn around I hear something coming towards me very quickly and before I had enough time to turn around a boomerang in the shape of a bat hits me right in the abdomen, but since I can heal quickly, I just pull it out and throw it back. Turning to throw the weapon, I see the guy gone and so I just start walking home. But a few steps later, I hear something so I draw both my pistols and see the man in black right there, I start firing in which he runs into the shadows and I follow him.
Once I had gotten the realization that the fun had just started, I ran into a dark alleyway which I thought that this guy would be in. “Bro, the name really fits you, you’re really just a man that’s as scared as a bat,” I yell to try to mock him but nothing happens, until minutes later I start walking away until, BAM!, something hits me really hard on the head. it had felt like another one of those boomerangs this guy keeps using, gosh what’s with this guy and these things.
In response for hurting me, I teleported out and shot a rocket into the alley, blowing the buildings next to it to bits and pieces. As I try to see through the ash, I see Batman ziplining so I shot at the zipline and cut the line, having the guy fall instantly onto the floor right next to me. I stand there looking at him and see what this man has become, a failure.
As Batman gets up and tries to run, I instantly step on his cape and pull out my katanas, then I calmly say to the guy, “You know, all you had to do was say sorry, but just like a feminist, you don’t know what to say.” I then proceed to stab him in the calves with my kitana's, leaving him there. I walk away now for the fourth time only to turn around and see this guy get up and pick up both my kitana’s wanting to fight me.
I take up this challenge to blast this guys face off at 12:15 a.m. as pull out my guns and start shooting, but I see him just dodging the bullets and then he presses a button. I don’t hear anything so I stop to reload until I hear a shot and from behind me and next thing I know it my entire torso is blown to bits, I turn around to see this really stupid looking black car with a gun in the front. I sit there for around thirty seconds and hear from Batman say angrily, “It seems that you bleed.”
After that explosion, he proceeds by getting in his car and starting the engine. But I wasn’t having any of this so I regained my torso very quickly and pull out my spare kitana which has no trouble slashing through anything and I dash with the katana to slash the car in half with Batman still in it. “Anyone want sushi?” I ask rhetorically as I see blood go everywhere in a rain of beauty. I take a selfie of myself in this pile of blood and post it on Instagram.
After dealing with that kind of guy, I finally start walking home and just say out loud. “Note to self, I want to bang my sidekick, I must make sure that I don’t have a small gun that can be seen through spandex.” Minutes after the encounter, I started thinking about how much I had just went through at that moment and I would have to say that this was an encounter with the worst superhero ever. I thought superheroes were supposed to have powers, not just be in a costume and a cape.
“I wonder, what kind of heroes do these DC Comics guys keep creating, I mean a man like that? He’s not a hero. Reader do you agree with me? Don’t you agree that Marvel guys like me are much better than that Batman hero which can’t seem to get his life straight. Come on just think about it, it’s a guy dressed in a black spandex suit in his mid forties, fighting crime with a ten year old boy, how has he not lost it? Well anyways i’m going to go enjoy myself some chimichangas, so chow.”
