KATIE BUCKLEY/HEATHER HOLTE

SUMMARY

This isn’t a how to or a self help book. This is a book that helps people recognize the habits or patterns we tend to fall into that derail us from living a Wholehearted life.

Brown is a researcher that studied thousands of men and women, from all walks of life, from ages 18-87, and from all over the country. The pattern she recognized in all the stories was that, “Yes, we all struggle with shame and fear of not being enough. And yes, many of us are afraid to let our true selves be seen and known. But in this huge mound of data there was also story after story of men and women who were living these amazing and inspiring lives. “

“These stories were about people living and loving with their whole hearts.” Not free from pain, darkness, or folly, but people who were living whole hearted lives and consistently repeating the patterns of: worthiness, rest, play, trust, faith, intuition, hope, authenticity, love, belonging, joy, gratitude, and creativity. These people AVOIDED: perfection, numbing, certainty, exhaustion, self-sufficiency, being cool, fitting in, judgement, and scarcity.

Living a whole hearted life means your current life may have to unravel as you give up the life you are “supposed” to live for the one you want to live. Bottom line it’s being true to yourself, quit trying to please people, and be ok with not being perfect.

“How we know and understand ourselves is critically important, but there is something that is even more essential to living a whole hearted life: loving ourselves,” (B.Brown, 2010).

We love because he first loved us (1 John 4:19).

Our lives are journey with sharp turns, tall peaks, and deep caverns that shape who we are and how we navigate the world. This journey is also peppered with doubt, shame, pain, and distress that interfere with our ability and need to live a whole hearted life. The first step is: “owning our own story, then loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do,” (B.Brown, 2010).

Through acceptance and learning to love ourselves we can truly love others; with a whole heart. This book examines the journey of others on their way to living a whole heart. This book examines the journey of others on their way to living a Whole Hearted Life.

COMMENTARY

This book is effective. Brown shoots from the hip she doesn’t sugar coat it. Being whole hearted means facing the shame and guilt of not thinking you are good enough. That the rat race and collecting the most toys, chasing down fame, prestige, money, and comparing yourself to others is an empty chase that will make you lonely and sad. Recognizing and accepting that your life will be a mess and you will make mistakes is ok and a consequence of living an authentic life and being true to yourself.

For instance, if you love to draw “but don’t think you are good at it,” you should still do it because it’s in your heart. If you love to golf, but are embarrassed to struggle at it...keep at it. Following your passion and keeping creative is living a wholehearted life...judging yourself is not. You may come to find that “looking stupid,” is less important then making your heart happy.

This book invites us to examine our feelings and recognize that excepting and loving yourself comes from within. A Whole Hearted Life needs a foundation of courage, compassion, and connection that requires one to dig deep and identify those elements that get in the way of truly excepting and loving oneself. This requires work and a lifelong commitment of accepting even loving all the wonderful unique gifts and short comings that make up who we are. That is where the work comes in.

I am not one who enjoys discussing or examining my feelings, but there is a freedom that comes from identifying the misconception that courage, compassion, and connection is obtained only through acceptance/approval from others, having money and or material items or control over the unknown. Acceptance or judgment, courage or shame, compassion or resentment/anger, love or worthiness: all of these things play a part in shaping who we are and how we love others and how we feel about and love ourselves.

QUESTIONS TO BE ANSWERED

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There was no place in this book that talks about ever getting there/getting done; that is what we need to teach and practice in our personal lives and in our careers.

EDUCATORS GROWTH

Opening the door to the Wholehearted revolution. Realizing that our story matters because we matter. We ebb and flow from bravery and fear which is normal. We don’t have to put up a facade. Once educators stop pretending and can accept that things are not okay then growth will happen. If educators read this book it will be uncomfortable, but when isn’t growth uncomfortable?

A FEW TAKE A WAYS.....

Calm: Be slow to respond and quick to think.
Faith: Courage to believe in what we can’t see and strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.

Sufficiency: Declaring/Knowing that we are enough.
Meaningful Work: feeling a tremendous sense of accomplishment and purpose from our work.

Courage: To try something new even though you might fail. Show your true self embracing all of the things about you allows others to Hear Our Hearts Speak (Hopi Tribal Nation).
Joy: Internal feeling of contentment, gratitude, or delight in a spiritual sense. To truly have joy we must be open to the risk of failure.

Happiness: External feeling based on circumstance.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman

This book would help teachers become more effective in public school settings by......

BROWNS IDEAS ON HOW TO:

• Practice calm
• Practice stillness
• Make room for downtime
• Give up the notion that exhaustion is a trophy and something to be proud of.

BROWNS IDEAS ON HOW TO:

• Respect the idea of play and rest to be beneficial to your health and productivity.
• Let go of the need for certainty and being ok with not knowing.
• Practice gratitude.
• Trust faith.

Each of these struggles and victories play a role in defining each one of us, as a teacher/educator it’s vital to recognize how these elements and struggles affect our students. Providing an environment of safety and consistency is just the beginning, we cannot teach courage but we can support the students process and demonstrate our courage through taking chances and not giving up. We cannot teach compassion but we can show what it looks like through our actions and interactions. We cannot teach connection but we can certainly make connections with our students, peers, and parents. We cannot teach what we do not practice. We cannot teach what we do not know.

Teachers can help students build the foundation for a whole hearted life, even if we are still working on loving ourselves. There was no place in this book that talks about ever getting there/getting done; that is what we need to teach and practice in our personal lives and in our careers.

“Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence. “. Vince Lombardi

THIS BOOK WOULD BENEFIT TEACHERS WHO...

For people who are exhausted, try to do too much, who have a hard time saying no, who feel a packed schedule is a status symbol, who compare themselves or their lives to others.

Talking about feelings and emotions it’s not for everyone and certainly not for me by choice. Brown did make some good points about loving yourself and your ability to love others. Teachers do not do the job because it is easy one would never Top-Out. We do it because we truly love the work and the students. Teaching is the hardest job because it’s subject to judgment, ridicule, doubt, and fear of failure. However, teaching is also one of the most rewarding career callings Providing unlimited opportunity for growth, continual learning, and tremendous sense of accomplishment through doing meaningful work.

Any person that loves or is loved by another could benefit from examining their perception of feelings and emotions in relation to love you completely and loving with a Whole Heart.

Remember YOU are enough!