The No. 1 Action You Must Take After Divorce by

The No. 1 Action You Must Take After Divorce

Published on Nov 18, 2015

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The No. 1 Action You Must Take After Divorce

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The No. 1 Action You Must Take After Divorce

A preview presentation from my Divorce Newsletter. {Subscribe link located at the end}

Immediately following your divorce, there is one key action you must take in order to set yourself for "life after divorce" success.

But it's not what you might think.

It's certainly not to dive right into another relationship because you're lonely.

You don't need to pretend everything is a-okay, even though it isn't.

It's not even learning how to get along with your ex, maybe not just yet.

The number one action you must take is to work on yourself.

In case you haven't heard, therapists have been quoted as saying it takes two years to heal from a divorce and be ready for a new love and relationship.

You might think you're special and need less time (I certainly did) because you didn't love your spouse for the past few years, or because you're more relieved than devastated.

You would be wrong -- you need every minute of those two years.

So, while you're waiting it out, you can be proactive about your life and yourself.

Taking care of yourself first is an excellent post-divorce strategy.

Self-Care Is Supreme

Taking good care of yourself not only makes your life more fulfilling, but it also contributes to your well-being.

During divorce, self-care can make the difference between just getting through the day and actually enjoying the day as it happens.

From years of personal experience, as well as from the work I've done in my executive coaching practice with many hardworking men and women,

I've learned that when we care for ourselves consciously and with intention, we naturally begin to free ourselves to reach our highest potential and give our best selves to the world.

Here are three ways to incorporate self-care into your life during and after divorce:

1. Discover when, where, why, and how you feel deprived and unhappy.

From there you will gain a good idea on how best to approach your self-care.

2. Identify your ideal routine.

Routine isn't boring.

Rather, routine gives our lives stability, security, safety, and serenity.

Getting enough sleep, exercise, volunteering, or having a girls' or guys' night out (GNOs) are all routines that restore and rejuvenate.

To identify a routine that would matter, ask yourself:

"What one activity could I put into place this month that would improve my life the most, that I could also do on a regular basis?"

3. Create an "absolutely not list."

Knowing what you don't want to do is just as important as knowing what you do want!

In marriage, we sometimes will tolerate the actions or needs and desires of others in order to make or keep them happy, much to our own detriment.

This list represents the things that you refuse to tolerate in your life, because they don't make you happy.

Now, make a list of your new self-care best practices, post it in a visible place, and look at it every day.

Extreme self-care takes practice.

At first, it might seem awkward to say no to something or someone...

...but what you're really doing is saying YES to yourself!

But with practice, it will become more natural and automatic,

and you'll notice that you feel a whole lot more fulfilled,

and eventually you will become genuinely happy.

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Christina Culbertson

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